Friday, October 30, 2009

Dear Oprah.... Lebanon is NOT like that !

BREAKING: Inside sources have been quoted that “Oprah is in distress because of the attacks from Lebanon”. This all started when Oprah Winfrey showed a promo clip for an upcoming episode of her show, explaining how fans can be so fanatic sometimes in all parts of the world. Oprah described Nancy Ajram as “the Britney Spears of the Middle East”. Oprah noted that the sexy dance moves “caused quite the controversy in this deeply conservative country.” She also showed photos of veiled women sitting in the desert; two photos that have nothing to do with Lebanon……

It seems that Oprah’s use of the phrase “deeply conservative” to portray Lebanon has sparked a heated discussion in this tiny Middle Eastern country; some have gone so far as to call for an uprising against this unjust interpretation.

While some may dispute that it is the responsibility of her ruthless PR team to do the research beforehand, many have argued that Oprah herself needs to publicly apologize. After all, this Queen of Control Freak Journalism knows all too well that the blame will always fall on the person under the spotlight, the individual facing the cameras.

Facebook users have created a group appropriately named “Dear Oprah…. Lebanon is NOT like that!” With almost 21,000 members at the time of writing, this online phenomenon is growing rapidly in numbers. In its relatively short time, it now has more members than the group “Palestine”, usually the most talked about topic in the Middle East.

To make sense of the term “deeply conservative”, which was used to illustrate them, members of the group have so far pointed fingers at a number of people - from Oprah herself down to the deprived and poor politicians that run the country. In a country like Lebanon, the price of tomato today is a political issue. Some citizens have taken it upon themselves to stop eating carrots because they are orange and that is the color that represents a particular opinionated party.

Creators of this group have pointed out that “This is NOT a hate group. And any hate messages that attack the person of Oprah Winfrey do not represent the thoughts of the Lebanese community as a whole, nor the creator of this group. Such messages will be DELETED.”

A member by the name Jax H. thinks this is a conspiracy theory, he goes on to say; “Guys... this is a planned media campaign against Lebanon paid by another Arabian country which they think it will take over Lebanon's place as the capital of Middle East.”

Zeina H. has this to offer; “Dear Oprah, I’m sending u a first class ticket on MEA airlines and 5 star accommodation hotel in Beirut in order to visit our country before u do ur next research about us…” In which her friend Dima D. commented; “ur right im with u bas sa7n l tabouleh 3layeh :P” Dima agrees with Zeina but has asked that she buys Oprah the Tabouleh. Tabouleh is a Levantine dish of Lebanese origin. The “:P” sign in Dima’s comment depicts a person sticking out their tongue. It is not yet known whether Dima disturbingly gestures using the muscle on the floor of her mouth towards Zeina, Oprah or the Tabouleh. But since the tongue is the primary source of taste, sources are saying it is most likely directed at the Tabouleh.

The confusion does not stop there, Malaak Z. has dug deep into the subject matter, these are various extracts from her note; “The prob is not the word “conservative” that Oprah used…in Lebanon most of the ppl in it don’t accept homosexuals, civil marriage….but I must remind you, that a lot of Americans don’t accept many things also…for god’s sake some of them even hate black people…why??? Bcoz they were born with different skin color!! & Obama being president cant change the facts…. That report was shown on purpose, coz I don’t believ that she wasn’t watching the news this summer, especially the “GREAT CNN”,… I’m 100% sure that she saw the reports….. she has a large influence on American ppl& we all saw her on Obama’s campain.”

It is not sure whether Malaak has extensive insight into the American Civil Rights Movement, or she is merely an observer stating her opinions. If it is one thing for sure we know about Malaak, it is that she forgot to use the spelling and grammar checker provided under the Toolbar.

Moe K. has said “I will reply to Oprah soon by something special… She use to be one of my favorite TV shows, but not anymore.” The CIA are investigating this threat. Rumor has it that Oprah is quoted as saying “I don’t see it as a direct threat, but I am fearful that my career will end because Moe might stop watching my show.”

To clear the air, Lebanese Politicians have tried to calm the streets by holding a round-table discussion. The round-table was used in order for them to face each other; politicians in Lebanon have always preferred to hold talks with the more customary rectangular fashioned table. The dialogue was postponed because it was reported that two politicians were overheard discussing selling Lebanon to Oprah. An anonymous insider was quoted as saying “One of the politicians whispered to the other “she can buy it, she has a lot of money she can find a way to move it into her backyard.”

Both politicians have since been expelled from holding government office. They are reported to be in discussions with the Merriam Webster publications to buy the phrase “deeply conservative” in an effort to sell it to Miss. Winfrey at a premium.

This intellectual debate goes on – the Lebanese have once again proved to be at the forefront. Art, philosophy, poetry, talent and aptitude have always been an integrated part of Lebanese society. One can only help but wonder, why has this beautiful country been in ruins for the past 30 years? Its’ people are evidently very concerned with justice and political correctness. The group “Dear Oprah… Lebanon is NOT like that!” is proof that the Lebanese people will not allow this prejudice portrayal and intolerance. The Lebanese will always stand in the way of fanaticism. But not color, color always finds its way through, orange, yellow, green, blue, white, whatever the color – the Lebanese will somehow bend over.


Anonymous said...

This incredible mess is our own God damn fault. We have become a nation of blithering idiot celebrity-junkie credit card morons. We don't support our local economies well enough. We hardly support small business anymore. We don't supply our troops well enough. Support for legitimate charity is way down. The people of this country won't even get out of credit card debt for their own fucking good or the good of their families. They absolutely will not do the things necessary to revive our own economy or ensure some reasonable level of shared prosperity. But when another filthy-disgusting-rich over-paid celebrity pig in a $500 cowboy hat comes out of retirement because he wants to get even richer, the people of this country drop what they were doing and buy out his next 20 shows in 5 hours flat. Springsteen sells out. Miley sells out. U2 sells out. Madonna sells out. Timberlake sells out. Every seat. Every time. Last year, we spent $400,000,000 on a single fucking movie just to see a guy in a bat suit beat up a dead celebrity. In the last 5 years, we have handed over ANOTHER billion dollars of our money to a single God damned false heroe talk show host lying manipulating hypocrite pig. Everytime a celebrity farts in this country, the people are right there to pay for a whiff and charge it to their credit card. We fall for the most obvious big business, big celebrity, big profit, fake humanitarian, PR crap the world has ever seen and open our wallets every single time. We do all of this without the slightest regard for the OBSCENE concentration of wealth, the shrinking middle class, or the effect had on economic stability. God damn fucking blithering idiot morons. If we are going to be this fucking stupid as a society, then we deserve whatever we get for it. and we ain't seen nothing yet. These shallow signs of recovery absolutely will not last. Maybe another 2 years max. Then, we will gradually sink right back into the worst depression this country has even seen. We are on borrowed (printed) time already. The people should use this brief window of opportunity to get out of debt and into some type of home they can afford to call their own. Something they can leave for their children. Instead, they spend whatever they have left on those filthy disgusting rich pigs who already have way too much. Concentrating the wealth even further. They may as well take food right out of the mouths of their own children. Because they will struggle, fight, live, and die in a shattered society with a shattered economy. God damn fucking blithering idiot morons. It didn't have to be this way.

Anonymous said...

2 words that wasted a lot of time for 21'000 person!!
How ironic when we call ourselves open minded, or when we don't call each others deeply conservative.
Words won't make difference with such super talented people.
I just wish if the author use initial instead of full names, because my last name is right there mixed in your blog and it is truly shameful.

A Blessing in Tragedy said...

I've always said we need to have a fatwa and jihad against oprah. The term "fact checker" is not in her vocab.

I'll go if you go. Hell, if we get 10 others together we'll have a dozen! And what better group to bash in oprah's brains than a dozen?


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