Dear Oprah.... Lebanon is NOT like that !

BREAKING: Inside sources have been quoted that “Oprah is in distress because of the attacks from Lebanon”. This all started when Oprah Winfrey showed a promo clip for an upcoming episode of her show, explaining how fans can be so fanatic sometimes in all parts of the world. Oprah described Nancy Ajram as “the Britney Spears of the Middle East”. Oprah noted that the sexy dance moves “caused quite the controversy in this deeply conservative country.” She also showed photos of veiled women sitting in the desert; two photos that have nothing to do with Lebanon……

It seems that Oprah’s use of the phrase “deeply conservative” to portray Lebanon has sparked a heated discussion in this tiny Middle Eastern country; some have gone so far as to call for an uprising against this unjust interpretation.

While some may dispute that it is the responsibility of her ruthless PR team to do the research beforehand, many have argued that Oprah herself needs to publicly apologize. After all, this Queen of Control Freak Journalism knows all too well that the blame will always fall on the person under the spotlight, the individual facing the cameras.

Facebook users have created a group appropriately named “Dear Oprah…. Lebanon is NOT like that!” With almost 21,000 members at the time of writing, this online phenomenon is growing rapidly in numbers. In its relatively short time, it now has more members than the group “Palestine”, usually the most talked about topic in the Middle East.

To make sense of the term “deeply conservative”, which was used to illustrate them, members of the group have so far pointed fingers at a number of people - from Oprah herself down to the deprived and poor politicians that run the country. In a country like Lebanon, the price of tomato today is a political issue. Some citizens have taken it upon themselves to stop eating carrots because they are orange and that is the color that represents a particular opinionated party.

Creators of this group have pointed out that “This is NOT a hate group. And any hate messages that attack the person of Oprah Winfrey do not represent the thoughts of the Lebanese community as a whole, nor the creator of this group. Such messages will be DELETED.”

A member by the name Jax H. thinks this is a conspiracy theory, he goes on to say; “Guys... this is a planned media campaign against Lebanon paid by another Arabian country which they think it will take over Lebanon's place as the capital of Middle East.”

Zeina H. has this to offer; “Dear Oprah, I’m sending u a first class ticket on MEA airlines and 5 star accommodation hotel in Beirut in order to visit our country before u do ur next research about us…” In which her friend Dima D. commented; “ur right im with u bas sa7n l tabouleh 3layeh :P” Dima agrees with Zeina but has asked that she buys Oprah the Tabouleh. Tabouleh is a Levantine dish of Lebanese origin. The “:P” sign in Dima’s comment depicts a person sticking out their tongue. It is not yet known whether Dima disturbingly gestures using the muscle on the floor of her mouth towards Zeina, Oprah or the Tabouleh. But since the tongue is the primary source of taste, sources are saying it is most likely directed at the Tabouleh.

The confusion does not stop there, Malaak Z. has dug deep into the subject matter, these are various extracts from her note; “The prob is not the word “conservative” that Oprah used…in Lebanon most of the ppl in it don’t accept homosexuals, civil marriage….but I must remind you, that a lot of Americans don’t accept many things also…for god’s sake some of them even hate black people…why??? Bcoz they were born with different skin color!! & Obama being president cant change the facts…. That report was shown on purpose, coz I don’t believ that she wasn’t watching the news this summer, especially the “GREAT CNN”,… I’m 100% sure that she saw the reports….. she has a large influence on American ppl& we all saw her on Obama’s campain.”

It is not sure whether Malaak has extensive insight into the American Civil Rights Movement, or she is merely an observer stating her opinions. If it is one thing for sure we know about Malaak, it is that she forgot to use the spelling and grammar checker provided under the Toolbar.

Moe K. has said “I will reply to Oprah soon by something special… She use to be one of my favorite TV shows, but not anymore.” The CIA are investigating this threat. Rumor has it that Oprah is quoted as saying “I don’t see it as a direct threat, but I am fearful that my career will end because Moe might stop watching my show.”

To clear the air, Lebanese Politicians have tried to calm the streets by holding a round-table discussion. The round-table was used in order for them to face each other; politicians in Lebanon have always preferred to hold talks with the more customary rectangular fashioned table. The dialogue was postponed because it was reported that two politicians were overheard discussing selling Lebanon to Oprah. An anonymous insider was quoted as saying “One of the politicians whispered to the other “she can buy it, she has a lot of money she can find a way to move it into her backyard.”

Both politicians have since been expelled from holding government office. They are reported to be in discussions with the Merriam Webster publications to buy the phrase “deeply conservative” in an effort to sell it to Miss. Winfrey at a premium.

This intellectual debate goes on – the Lebanese have once again proved to be at the forefront. Art, philosophy, poetry, talent and aptitude have always been an integrated part of Lebanese society. One can only help but wonder, why has this beautiful country been in ruins for the past 30 years? Its’ people are evidently very concerned with justice and political correctness. The group “Dear Oprah… Lebanon is NOT like that!” is proof that the Lebanese people will not allow this prejudice portrayal and intolerance. The Lebanese will always stand in the way of fanaticism. But not color, color always finds its way through, orange, yellow, green, blue, white, whatever the color – the Lebanese will somehow bend over.

a controversial issue

I am sitting here watching a BBC debate on immigration in the UK and it has got me thinking. A representative for the BNP is arguing about Britains "indigneous" people ,its immigrants, and their right to gain citizenship. The reaction of the audience has been that of outrage towards Mr. Nick Griffin's comments throughout the show. He wants the British government to pull up the ladder on immigration into the country.It's a view from the far right .

Switch now to a conversation I had this week with an Arab national , whose three children were born in Canada , carry a Canadian passport, but reside in the UAE. Low and behold, said lady is pregnant again and is now seeking a new country to deliver her new born baby in . She asked me to ask a family member in the know , whether or not she could pop over to Ireland ( as it is so much closer than Canada ) to give birth .

So, I obliged and did a bit of research for her. It turns out , that after a "free for all " on Irish immigration , which saw any Irish Born Children ( IBCs) getting automatic citizenship, the Irish laws on immigration have tightened up. It is no longer possible to hop off a plane at 8 months pregnant , stay for a month or two, never to return, but have a child who automatically gets an Irish passport.

Am I being too harsh in my thinking when I think that the idea of somebody getting nationality for no other reason other than simply being born in a country, is a bit off ? Is it really that easy to do it?Would the "citizen" be liable to pay tax in their adult life? And if the Irish government have managed to put a stop to it , are Canadian and American governments really allowing it ? How does it benefit them? If you are going to live in a country, contribute to its economy, learn a little about its culture and identify at least some aspect of your persona with being Irish , then fine . Would I think of this in a different light if I came from a country that didn't have the most desirable passport in the world? ( Not saying for a second that Ireland has the most desirable passport , but it ain't the worst by any stretch of the imagination )

What amazed me was that some people don't seem to realise what a contentious issue this is with certain nations. They have no qualms about openly seeking nothing but a piece of paper - without being willing to do anything for it !If you want to live in a country - thats a different story. But popping out a baby and running back home is a whole other issue. If a country is not good enough for you to spend more than a month in , then why should that country issue you with a passport? If neither parents have a substantial tie to a country - have no intention of anything but gleaning the benefits of the passport , then should it be allowed?

Maybe someone can help me see this from an angle I haven't thought of yet ...Is a sense of Arab identity less important than future opportunities and easier travel?I understand that this move is generally to improve opportunities for their offspring - but is that a good enough reason? Will the passport holder pledge loyalty to its host country in years to come?
HE agrees with the notion of going elsewhere for a week or two for the sake of a passport. But it just doesn't sit right with me . I know it is common place in this region for those who can afford it . Is it right for people to accept the protection and benefits of another countries passport when they haven't ever resided there? Or does all that just not matter- as it is just a piece of paper - albeit an important one?

Know your audience...

I found this in Ikea a while back . Is it just me , or does this picture seem a little out of place in a ad campaign in the Middle East?

The real Dubai

The all powerful Oprah Winfrey , award winning talk show host and general expert on all things worth knowing is reaching out to world and giving her viewers a chance to see how - we're all just working moms, no matter what our address.

She interviewed several women from across the globe to get an insight into their lives. Here is Dubai's segment ....





Wow! If I watched this from my living room in Texas , I would love the idea of a tax free country , with free water, electricity, and healthcare. Dare I say, it's a little inaccurate for the majority of residents here . Also love how she is skyping from a country where skype is banned ! Ho hum.

"keepin' it real" gone wrong...

I like Kanye West . I bought his first album , his second album and I even stuck by his latest ventures of relying almost exclusively on that voice synthesiser crap. But music snob I ain't and one of the joys of being a music fan over a certain age is that you can separate the music from the personality. And oh my , what a personality!

Click here to see Kanye making an utter tit of himself on MTV's 2009 VMA's. Oh, and here, and here and .... you get the picture.

For the record, Beyonce's video probably WAS better than Taylor Swift's. So , in fact, was Pink's video ... .funny how they managed to smile and applaud! Beyonce even managed to try to make up for the embarrassment of it all by sharing her moment in the spot light ( God know's she has enough of them ) later on in the show. She called Taylor Swift up on stage , saying how she remembered her first VMA win and how exciting it was, giving Taylor a chance to get a better stab at her thank yous!

I want to send Kanye to the same bootcamp that Serena Williams should do a stint in ! I think he is a cranky blogger trapped in a celebrities body - but when the world is watching , if you dont have anything nice to say - shut it !

Serena Williams

Im not a sports fan in the least , but I do love the drama that can go hand in hand with sports !

Serena Williams managed to let her temper get the better of her and line judge went running to the tournament referee , complete with forlorn looks and pointing ! Williams showing a lack of sportmanship for the second time in this US Open title defence match , made sure that drama ran high after she broke her racket when she lost the first set .

" If I could , I'd take this ball and shove it down your throat !" she bellowed at the line judge in front of a shocked crowd. Nice one Serena , bet you feel a bit stupid today!!

It kind of reminded of the John McEnroe days" You cannot be serious!!"

More adventures in Paris

Now that I have paid hommage to the french and their food , it's time to rip into them, non?

We flew with Qatar airways to CDG airport in Paris. The flight was ideal ( I think the nail marks in his arm , my special way of coping with turbulence , have faded now ) and we arrived in Paris without too many issues .

On our return journey , we debated about what the weight restrictions on luggage were and eventually concluded that it was 30kg per person . I did think at the time that this may have been wrong , but as we didn't buy too many souvenirs ( mostly fridge magnets , caricatures and a few items of clothing ) we reckonned we would be alright. Oh , how wrong we were !

A word of warning , when arriving for a flight in CDG , do not arrive any later than three hours early - you never know what could go wrong. We got there two hours before the flight and started to queue. While we were at the end of this line, and had to wait for about half an hour, I certainly didnt feel we were pushing any time limits and had even contemplated a few more fridge magnate purchases in duty free.

When we finally reached the counter, we met with our french Qatar Airways representative. Let's call him Pierre for arguments sake. Up goes our luggage onto the scales and , wouldn't you know it , we are 16kg over between the two of us. At this point , I decided to let him take over negotiations. In my experience with the french , if they know you speak french , they can be twice as venemous with their insults, so I kept schtum . I also have quite a short fuse when dealing with arrogant pups.

Pierre ( beginning to shriek) : You are heavy , you are heavy ! You must pay , quickly, quickly .

Him : Really? I thought it was 30kg? I'm pretty sure the ticket said 30kg.

Pierre: Non , non , non , non , non ! You arrive late, you have too much luggage and now you are telling me it's ok? ITS NOT OK? What did you expect when you arrive so late like this?I cannot help you . You must pay , NOW , go to that counter over there ! WAIT ! I HAVE TO GIVE YOU TICKET!!

Him : Ok , how much is it? Where do we pay?

Pierre : I DON'T KNOW ! IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM . HURRY UP - I WILL CLOSE THE FLIGHT. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ?HOW CAN YOU COME SO LATE LIKE THIS ?

Him : We were queueing for a long time , we weren't late. Ok , just tell me where to pay please ...?

Pierre at this point continues to scream like a scorned lover , delaying us by another ten minutes . He lectured us and there was lots of tutting and rolling of eyes. We went over to the special " over weight counter " and discovered that we owed 600 Euros . I started to hyperventilate slightly and ran back to Pierre .

Her: Look , we can't pay that much , it's crazy , please , give me the bags back and we will ditch some of our luggage .

Pierre : NON

Her : WHAT???

Pierre : Non ! I am not letting you on the flight . It's too late, I am closing , your luggage is staying here now .

Her: You can't be serious . We will throw luggage away . We will make it lighter ! Please ! We are sorry , we didn't know !!

Pierre: You should have come early if you will make problems like this.

Pierre prompltly made a "hmmph " sound and turned his back on us! I'm pretty sure they take assault fairly seriously in airports, so it was probably for the best when He ushered me to one side in a bid to damage control . After some intense apologising on our part, Pierre finally decided to let us rip open our bags and pull out anything we deemed unneccessary . In the cull , we lost boots, jeans and sweaters while we transefered ipods and speakers to our handluggage and hoped for the best. All the while ,Pierre continued to scream at us !

When we re-weighed our things, we apparently had reached an acceptable weight . I nearly wanted to point out that we had both gained a stone since the last flight ( the french hate fat people ) and what was he gonna do about that , eh?? But common sense , or , um , fear, prevailed and we continued our humble apologies . The charitable soul decided that , actually , he would let us on the flight . We took our tickets and ran like bats out of hell to passport control . We weren't late initially , but we certainly were now. Further more, it seems that entire Kuwaiti polulation has decided to drag themselves away from the cafes of the Champs Elyisee and head home , so the non European passport queue was chronic . ( Were there any Kuwaitis who weren't in Paris this August?? )

When we finally got to the closing boarding gate , I am pretty sure we were flagged for swine flu , what with the red faces, the wheezing and puffing . The air hosts were lovely , gave us water, and seemed to realise something had happened to the two bewildered passengers. Maybe they knew we had just had a lovers tiff with Pierre. I have never met anyone so unprofessional and stroppy in my life. I felt like we were breaking up with the guy in a restaurant and he had decided "Screw this, I'm going to make a scene "

While he is not the first French man to scream at me , and certainly won't be the last , I never fail to be utterly gobsmacked at how unbelievably arrogant certain individuals can be. It's amazing how a little power can go to someone's head isn't it !

si le vin est bon...

I'm only too aware that when a person goes on holiday - it's easy to compare your standard of living for those two weeks with how a person lives on a daily basis in Dubai. Of course, Dubai always comes out as the underdog in these stakes. let's face it , 45 degrees, dust, sand and having to constantly repeat yourself over and over for clarification doesn't inspire much love when you think about it with a cynical approach!

For the sake of sparing you all from my usual aimless rants , I am going to talk about just one aspect of my holidays this year ; the food! We have just returned from a fabulous two week stay in Paris , where Lebanese and Irish contingency of our families met , and managed not to fight , nay , even got on like a proverbial house on fire ! With the formalities out of the way ,we were left to savour some of the more important features of our parisien adventure - eating!

French bread , cheese, wine, you name it - the French seem to get it right when it comes to all kinds of eating - be it dining out or cooking at home. The quality of raw ingredients are so superior , that for the first time in a long time, I could have happily munched on a tomato with bread all day and not felt the need for something "tastier" which I so often do here in Dubai !
Little bistros , never to be reviewed by restaurant critics , managed to serve up the most simple and tasty dishes at such value. This is what makes france different from so many other countries in the world. The french seem to have such a respect for the enjoyment and qaulity of food , they view is as a right , not merely an option, to savour superior meals at a fraction of the cost. The availabiliy of such beautiful produce is restricted to none and available to all . It is classless and not reliant on the quantity of your pay cheque- thus making it attainable by the majority .

Now lets flick over to Dubai. Horrible , insipid fruit and vegetables, pumped with all manner of chemicals and pesticides languish in the aisles of Spinneys et al . While many a shwarma stand can produce award winning food , quality at a pocket friendly price seems to stop here. Maybe it's my cooking skills that lack the imagination needed to produce such mouth watering dishes( distinctly possible ) but something tells me it's not all that simple.

As consumers, we are told that we can vote with our feet when it comes to quality of food. The more organic , high quality produce we buy , the cheaper and more widely available it will become. How I wish that would actually happen here in Dubai! Despite putting on a stone ( yes , a full stone ) in two weeks , I am sure that I would be inspired to eat healthy foods here if only it were as flavoursome, cheap and as widely available as it was in Paris. Well , that's my excuse and I am sticking to it . I would love to see an entire organic produce section in spinneys that is far bigger than the processed foods aisles.

The first thing I ate when I came back to Dubai? A packet of koka noodles and a can of Fanta orange. If this continues , I am not merely heading for a heart attack , but I am also staring down the barrel of having to buy an entire new wardrobe or donning a cover all abaya for the coming months. So far , I am uninspired to consume anything labelled "fresh " here. It's 7 am and I have just wolfed down 3 hobnobs for breakfast . This blog may just turn into a weight loss obsessed foodies blog . You have been warned !

A little taste of home

My father has taken up photography since he retired , and I have to say , it suits him ! Here are some pictures which explain why some days , I find the desert particularly hard work!

Sleazy come, Sleazy go

Why the hell am I blogging? I clearly should be writing for the Times - they don't seem to fussy about who they hire !

My LOL moments from this article are numerous !

This is Mr. Liddle's take on an , until recently , unspoken quid pro quo :

" ....You can swan around in your flash cars and hang out at the malls, just as if you were in Maidstone or Cottbus or Pretoria. You can dress like you were at a stag-party pub crawl in Prague, or like an infidel whore on the make , and we'll grit out teeth and smoke our hubba-bubba pipes and look the other way .You can even have that other stuff you seem to like so much, the relentless, enervating fornicating, the stuff Allah really dislikes; we will turn a blind eye to the legion upon legion of addled post-Soviet whores in your horrible Brit-style pubs, nightclubs and wine bars, the cheap babes from the ’stans. Just keep the money pouring in, please: keep building those gargantuan hotels and facilitating those loans for us."

Any relevant point he may have had has been sliced up by his snarky syle . I think I may return to this article at a later date to disect it a little . But for now , fellow Dubai resisdents - do enjoy !!

Just in case

One of my favourite things to do when I go back to Ireland is to check out the supermarkets. They are so much nicer than in Dubai , albeit more expensive!
This time around, I came across a little gem which no doubt will come in handy after a good session. While I am very lucky to live over a Lebanese bakery, which usually caters to all my hangover needs , I sometimes do find the need to jump in the car and actually drive somewhere the night before. If , like me , you cannot tell the difference between your hangover of monstrous proportions , and actually being still intoxicated , then this is the product for you !

Each packet costs 7.99 euro and these can be a life saver - literally! The breath Alcohol Detector is for rapid detection of the presence of alcohol in the exhaled breath and provides relative Blood Alcohol Concentration at 0.05% . The test is based on a chemically chromogenic reaction. If alcohol is present in the exhaled breath, it reacts with the chemically coated crystals and produces a colour change.

The legal limits for blood alcohol concentration in Ireland is 0.08%. In the UK it is 0.05% and obviously in the UAE it would be a non presence of alcohol ( although this is apparently impossible - even if you don't drink , as a certain amount will occur naturally !)

I'm definitely taking some of these back to the sweatbox!!

Dubai Bloggers

The news that this blog had been listed as one of the more readable in Dubai on Dubai92 fm warranted an overseas phonecall ! So THANK YOU Mr. McNabb.

HE passed on the news to me as I holiday here in Costa Del Irlande , and while it did indeed warms the cockles of my little heart , what was even more interesting is that now HE has started to call it "our blog" again , after many months of calling it " that blog you have". Awww!

Here is the list !

http://www.motherinferiordubai.wordpress.com

http://discoballbreaker.com/
http://www.dxbsunshine.blogspot.com/
http://uaecommunity.blogspot.com/
http://fadfada-online.blogspot.com/
http://maiandsara.blogspot.com/
http://rupertbumfrey.blogspot.com/
http://mideast.blogs.time.com/
http://dubaithoughts.blogspot.com/
http://some-like-it-not.blogspot.com/
http://grumpygoat.blogspot.com/
http://www.momentaryawe.com/blog/
http://blogs.sun.com/christophersaul/
http://onebigconstructionsite.blogspot.com/
http://sandman-files.blogspot.com/
http://dubaiphotostory.blogspot.com/
http://emirateseconomist.blogspot.com/
http://dubai-jazz.blogspot.com/
http://louisefareed.blogspot.com/
http://carolynn-dubailife.blogspot.com/
http://auhgal.blogspot.com/
http://dubaiconsumermirror.blogspot.com/
http://blog.grapeshisha.com/
http://www.the-media-junkie.com/
http://thefatexpat.blogspot.com
http://fakeplasticsouks.blogspot.com

I went to Arabian centre this weekend in search of a manicure. As usual , I engaged in a little window shopping and was nabbed by a sales assistant in the new " Va-va-voom" cosmetics shop.

Now, I've got what appears to be very good, clear looking skin , despite being a smoker. I don't ever tan , which as caused more than a few arguments over the years . HE has a lebanese bronzed complexion , SHE is Irish . Nuff said!

Funnily enough , on the day I went Arabian centre , it was in a bid to avoid a day at a hotel pool!The sales assistant offered a free skin analysis using a machine they had in the store. I thought . " Hey, what's the worst that could happen ? " I figured that seeing as I have not yet hit 30, that the damage would be pretty minimal !

Look and see for yourself the damage I have inflicted on my skin over a couple of decades. Admitedly , I don't wear sun screen on a daily basis , that said, I NEVER spend time in the sun . We live a life indoors here in Dubai , and I am aware that I will easily burn in a couple of minutes, so I just don't put myself in the that sotuation. How stupid I was!

If you look at the second last picture labelled " UV spots" you can see the extent of skin damage I have from the sun. I look like somebody has spattered me with paint . I don't have too many wrinkles ( see pictures) but the sales assistant gleefully told me that it was merely a matter of time . Yikes ! So my warning of the day is , in the words of Baz Lurhman, WEAR SUNSCREEN! I am NOT a sunworshipper , and just look at the damage I already have after 4 years in Dubai running from the car to my building minus sun protection ! SLIP SLAP SLOP people!

Facebook is for EVERYBODY!

Gulf news carries a story about Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid's Facebook page!
Yep, thats right , we will get status updates, can nose around his photo albums , add him as a friend and marvel at his internet savvy!

I am not quite sure what to make of this , but I'm certainly amused by the notion of the leader of Dubai opening up a facebook page , particularly when the rumour mill was telling us that facebook might be banned a year or two ago !

His latest status says , "I visited the Ministry of Education today and would like to raise this question: Should the new academic year start during Ramadan or after the Eid holiday?"

I am dying to add him as a friend and comment with something along the lines of ,
" knock yourself out buddy , it's your call - but please, try to let us know what you decide in advance, rather than on the first day of school when Im setting out books for my students - only to discover we have a further two weeks holiday ! Thaaanks! " I would add a few smileys too !

I don't doubt for a second that the page will be watched carefully in case of negative comments , but fair play to him for allowing an entire country the opportunity to poke him ! I think this is hilarious!

King of Pop dies

I'm sitting here in disbelief. Michael Jackson has died in Los Angeles aged 50. As the news spread, hundreds of fans gathered outside the hospital where he passed away . The cause of death at present is unknown ,but he was said to have been taken to hospital after falling ill at home , full cardiac arrest.

According to skynews, wikipedia and Google collapsed under the weight of internet enquiries about his death. Jackson was one of the few performers to be truely known world wide. His music spanned generations and the controversies of his life in later years led his music to take a back seat to allegations of child abuse and other scandals in his personal life.

He was an extraordinary person, in every sense of the word. The eccentricities of this man were legendary, and for somebody that was so private , his life had been treated like a circus for many years. As somebody who has performed since he was 6 years old, and therefore has essentially built up a fan base for 44 years, his death is sure to spark a public outcry, debate , or for some, more burning effigies.

Whether he was guilty or not , what was the first thought that popped into your head when his name was mentionned? Personally , I have not been able to hear his music by for many years without remembering those child abuse allegations , or without seeing those crazy images of him dangling babies over balconies. Trial by public opinion is harsh , and we will never know for sure whether he was a misunderstood genius , or a sick paedophile who happened to be in the public limelight.

Game over...?

There are two main reasons for silence on this blog. The first is that things are going swimmingly, bills paid, stomachs full, minds at ease . Therefore no willingness to record it in any form , lest I tempt faith , stick out the proverbial tongue at my good fortune and gloat. That is just asking for trouble.

Its important to note that the above reason for blogging silence rarely occurs. I haven’t posted since some time in May , because , well, read my last entry - if that wasn’t a smug “ ooh I love my job and all is well” then I don’t know what is ! So, in true and time tested accuracy , things started to hit the fan shortly thereafter. While strife can lead to busy blogging , sometimes there is so much going wrong - that to write it all down isn’t really an option ! And there you have reason number 2.

Having lived here for 4 years, I can safely say that I am not a better person for it . I have rage issues ( please scroll down and take your pick from any number of posts). I have joined an entire population of people suffering from a combination of wanderlust, greed and despair. The golden days of Dubai are numbered. It turned out that those who bleated “ if you don’t like it , then leave” were right after all ! I should have left 3 years ago , when I had not yet completed my transformation in a racist , bigoted , self-pitying and fully fledged rat - race participant.

As someone who initially had a very strong sense of their own identity , I have turned , within one lifetime, into a third culture child. Someone who moves along with the ebb and flow of life , but never quite manages to get a sense of stability .

What does happen to the burnt out souls of Dubai? Our numbers have dwindled in the last 8 months, many have been forced to return to their home countries, heads down and pride dented. Will our compatriots welcome us home , and let us pick up where we left off? Or have we destined ourselves to being urban nomads for the rest of our days , straddling cultures , nationalities and loyalties?

nine months and counting ...

I could've cooked up a baby in that time ! Who knew PRO's could be so utterly USELESS! Is this the universe telling me to just GO HOME? I think I may have beaten the all time record to wait for a visa to be processed! Still nothing ! Can anyone beat this time frame?

God's Busy... Can I Help? No? Ok, Only Joke, Look Only T-shirt, Me Joke.

I won't go into much detail of what happened during the Rage to the Extreme Concert that took place at the Palace Hotel in Bahrain on Thursday night. Many rock fans deemed the night one of the worst nights in Bahrain's history of hosting rock concerts.

The story is here and here.

Local musician Prasad Jayaruwa of the band Mushroom Massacre was pulled aside by CID officials before being escorted to the CID office in Adilya, Bahrain for sporting what they thought was an offensive t-shirt.

The t-shirt displayed a slogan which read "God's Busy... Can I Help?".

Conservative MPs in the lower house have often cautioned against allowing rock concerts in Bahrain, claiming that many of the people involved were implicated in "Satanic" practices.

The "offensive" T-shirt was confiscated and Prasad later returned to the venue wearing a new shirt bearing the image of pop star Craig David.

I knew it!! I knew it all along!! I always had this eerie and peculiar feeling about him. And now, it turns out he's Satan in the flesh, he's at the forefront, the vanguard for all these "Satanic" practices. Bahraini conservative MP's knew it all along, but for some reason they and the CID just decided, after intense negotiations, to unleash this crucial piece of information to the world. These conservative MP's have alot on their plate these days and they have asked us, the people, to help. We must act. It was always there in front of our eyes. Let us look at the facts;

From Craig David's song library;

7 DAYS

I met this girl on Monday
Took her for a drink on Tuesday
We were making love by Wednesday and on Thursday & Friday & Saturday
We chilled on Sunday

No one, I tell you no one can meet a girl on Monday and take her out for a drink on Tuesday and then make love on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday AND Saturday but STILL be there "chilling" on Sunday.
Normal men would be out the door by Thursday never to be seen.
What Craig David displays are super human powers, hence Satan.

WHAT'S YOUR FLAVA

You're what I need
I wanna taste you (taste you)
Take you home with me
You look so good
Good enough to eat

'Nuff said!!

HUMAN

Oh Lady
I'm only human
Of flesh and blood I'm made
I'm only human
Born to make mistakes

Liar!!, he looks human and everyone thinks he's human. Why is he labouring the point, has he something to hide?

And last but not least...

SHE'S ON FIRE

She's on fire tonight
She's on fire tonight
She's on fire tonight She's on fire, she's on fire
She's on fire tonight
She's on fire tonight
She's on fire tonight
She's on fire, she's on fire
She's on (fire)
She's on fire, (fire)
She's on fire, (fire)
She's on fire, told you before

This is too much!!

Thinking about it, I blame these conservative MP's for all the fallen victims.

Note: For all of you that thought Dick Cheney was the devil, suck it up. He's just a knob.

Dubizzle

I heard about this ad on Dubizzle and decided to check it out. This guy is offering a two bedroom in Arabian Ranches for 60,000 - I think it is to take over his lease.

I really wish it was a witty hoax , but I have a horrible feeling that it isnt.

Here is a little excerpt:

"And before you ask. Yes, this is a real rental ad. This is not a bait and switch nor lost leader nor an agent. You email me, I call you, you look at house, you like house, you take. No, 6 cheques won't work, no, I can't negotiate, no I won't meet you on Friday morning at 7am as Thirstday nights are punishing for me.

What do you think? Applicants with moving trucks and advice on living in cars welcome to apply. Palmera is groovy. Oh, if you need appliances you can buy them from me as well. They are a year old and in great condition. The oven has been used once to cook a dysfunctional family Christmas dinner."


It would be nice if someone even offered this guy a job on the merit of his funny writing style - not a nice situation to be in !

Reaching new lows

Clearly - I'm not a millionaire. Anyone who reads this blog knows that I am a teacher by profession and can just about keep my head above water on my wages.

So I know its not a huge threat to my bank's financial future when I threatened to close my account with them . But, between 2 cancelled credit cards ( involuntary ) in the last month , 5 phone calls to record change of address ( to date , still incomplete ) , 8 call centre operators mispronouncing my name and ( Lou -oo , Lao-oo-see , Lee- laa ,erm MAAAAAAM ) and a rather tense scene in a Spinneys where I was actually removed from the check- out area, I think I am ready to keep my money in my mattress! Is it considered Slander to name and shame ?