More adventures in Paris

Now that I have paid hommage to the french and their food , it's time to rip into them, non?

We flew with Qatar airways to CDG airport in Paris. The flight was ideal ( I think the nail marks in his arm , my special way of coping with turbulence , have faded now ) and we arrived in Paris without too many issues .

On our return journey , we debated about what the weight restrictions on luggage were and eventually concluded that it was 30kg per person . I did think at the time that this may have been wrong , but as we didn't buy too many souvenirs ( mostly fridge magnets , caricatures and a few items of clothing ) we reckonned we would be alright. Oh , how wrong we were !

A word of warning , when arriving for a flight in CDG , do not arrive any later than three hours early - you never know what could go wrong. We got there two hours before the flight and started to queue. While we were at the end of this line, and had to wait for about half an hour, I certainly didnt feel we were pushing any time limits and had even contemplated a few more fridge magnate purchases in duty free.

When we finally reached the counter, we met with our french Qatar Airways representative. Let's call him Pierre for arguments sake. Up goes our luggage onto the scales and , wouldn't you know it , we are 16kg over between the two of us. At this point , I decided to let him take over negotiations. In my experience with the french , if they know you speak french , they can be twice as venemous with their insults, so I kept schtum . I also have quite a short fuse when dealing with arrogant pups.

Pierre ( beginning to shriek) : You are heavy , you are heavy ! You must pay , quickly, quickly .

Him : Really? I thought it was 30kg? I'm pretty sure the ticket said 30kg.

Pierre: Non , non , non , non , non ! You arrive late, you have too much luggage and now you are telling me it's ok? ITS NOT OK? What did you expect when you arrive so late like this?I cannot help you . You must pay , NOW , go to that counter over there ! WAIT ! I HAVE TO GIVE YOU TICKET!!

Him : Ok , how much is it? Where do we pay?

Pierre : I DON'T KNOW ! IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM . HURRY UP - I WILL CLOSE THE FLIGHT. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ?HOW CAN YOU COME SO LATE LIKE THIS ?

Him : We were queueing for a long time , we weren't late. Ok , just tell me where to pay please ...?

Pierre at this point continues to scream like a scorned lover , delaying us by another ten minutes . He lectured us and there was lots of tutting and rolling of eyes. We went over to the special " over weight counter " and discovered that we owed 600 Euros . I started to hyperventilate slightly and ran back to Pierre .

Her: Look , we can't pay that much , it's crazy , please , give me the bags back and we will ditch some of our luggage .

Pierre : NON

Her : WHAT???

Pierre : Non ! I am not letting you on the flight . It's too late, I am closing , your luggage is staying here now .

Her: You can't be serious . We will throw luggage away . We will make it lighter ! Please ! We are sorry , we didn't know !!

Pierre: You should have come early if you will make problems like this.

Pierre prompltly made a "hmmph " sound and turned his back on us! I'm pretty sure they take assault fairly seriously in airports, so it was probably for the best when He ushered me to one side in a bid to damage control . After some intense apologising on our part, Pierre finally decided to let us rip open our bags and pull out anything we deemed unneccessary . In the cull , we lost boots, jeans and sweaters while we transefered ipods and speakers to our handluggage and hoped for the best. All the while ,Pierre continued to scream at us !

When we re-weighed our things, we apparently had reached an acceptable weight . I nearly wanted to point out that we had both gained a stone since the last flight ( the french hate fat people ) and what was he gonna do about that , eh?? But common sense , or , um , fear, prevailed and we continued our humble apologies . The charitable soul decided that , actually , he would let us on the flight . We took our tickets and ran like bats out of hell to passport control . We weren't late initially , but we certainly were now. Further more, it seems that entire Kuwaiti polulation has decided to drag themselves away from the cafes of the Champs Elyisee and head home , so the non European passport queue was chronic . ( Were there any Kuwaitis who weren't in Paris this August?? )

When we finally got to the closing boarding gate , I am pretty sure we were flagged for swine flu , what with the red faces, the wheezing and puffing . The air hosts were lovely , gave us water, and seemed to realise something had happened to the two bewildered passengers. Maybe they knew we had just had a lovers tiff with Pierre. I have never met anyone so unprofessional and stroppy in my life. I felt like we were breaking up with the guy in a restaurant and he had decided "Screw this, I'm going to make a scene "

While he is not the first French man to scream at me , and certainly won't be the last , I never fail to be utterly gobsmacked at how unbelievably arrogant certain individuals can be. It's amazing how a little power can go to someone's head isn't it !

Just in case

One of my favourite things to do when I go back to Ireland is to check out the supermarkets. They are so much nicer than in Dubai , albeit more expensive!
This time around, I came across a little gem which no doubt will come in handy after a good session. While I am very lucky to live over a Lebanese bakery, which usually caters to all my hangover needs , I sometimes do find the need to jump in the car and actually drive somewhere the night before. If , like me , you cannot tell the difference between your hangover of monstrous proportions , and actually being still intoxicated , then this is the product for you !

Each packet costs 7.99 euro and these can be a life saver - literally! The breath Alcohol Detector is for rapid detection of the presence of alcohol in the exhaled breath and provides relative Blood Alcohol Concentration at 0.05% . The test is based on a chemically chromogenic reaction. If alcohol is present in the exhaled breath, it reacts with the chemically coated crystals and produces a colour change.

The legal limits for blood alcohol concentration in Ireland is 0.08%. In the UK it is 0.05% and obviously in the UAE it would be a non presence of alcohol ( although this is apparently impossible - even if you don't drink , as a certain amount will occur naturally !)

I'm definitely taking some of these back to the sweatbox!!

Put a ring on it ....

If you like it then you’d better put a ring on it ….

What IS going on people?? I know we are approaching wedding season , but Dubai seems to be going ga- ga!

I know for a fact , that if I was living in Ireland , nobody would dare ask me why I wasn’t married - or insinuate that I am not in a serious relationship without a rock on my left ring finger - but clearly - these rules do not hold in Dubai !

Obviously , culture and religious restraints dictate that people do not live together, but lets face it , when you are from a western background , you generally don’t get married without living with your partner beforehand.
( Please step in and correct me , but I’m taking a cross section of my Irish girlfriends between 25 and 35 )

I’m seeing a spate of engagements here that I think , if the happy couples were on home turf , would not be happening . ( A bit like who you end up being friends with here, you may not typically be friends with them if you were back home - but when in Rome and all that )

On discussing this further with friend’s based in UAE , I have discovered a startling trend in women beginning in their late 20’s! It begins with eyeing every potential man as a husband. What religion is he? Where will we live ? Would my parents like him? And all these are coming up in the first month or two of a relationship! It’s gone beyond a joke !

It seems that , by some form of osmosis , be it through the media , or merely by social circumstances, girls of a certain age slowly but surely begin to regard themselves as less than whole unless they are married , or at least have a wedding in the wings !

The woman begins to notice the genuine pity in the eyes of colleagues , and can draw more than one parallel between herself and Bridget Jones . She may own more than one cat , which doesn’t help with the image of being single and content
( sorry )


So by some twisted , self fulfilling prophecy , scores of previously independent minded women are now dedicating themselves to meeting “ Mr. Right”! Once they have him, they start the mental check list . Perhaps she has given herself one year to an engagement , she might stretch the engagement out to another year or so , under the guise of “ saving up for the wedding “ , and then , oh yes, there’s the kiddies to think of .

Boys , beware of the new breed of woman out there, she is under pressure, time isn’t on her side if she is to birth Sprog #1 before her ovaries have begun to shrivel .
It is no longer considered rude to quiz a couple about the possibility of impending nuptials. Bridezilla’s are being spawned across Dubai by the societies unforgiving attitude towards the single woman.

Sooooo , I’ve compiled my own top ten reasons not to get married yet !!

10. You have signed no contract , so , like an absent minded employer who didn’t finalize the hiring process, you can leave this and get a new gig at any point should you wish to do so !

9. Your child bearing hips are still called curvaceous - and thankfully , don’t have a child perched on them yet.

8. You can still see the absurdity of women shortening their husbands name to “dh” ( dear husband ) in conversation - a sad reference to far too much time spent on a certain internet forum .

7. Your employers still pay you a housing allowance. Because we all know that when someone gets married here, the offers become less generous and you have to get your husband to sign his consent for you to do run of the mill tasks like getting a drivers license. Who knew the age of consent was actually only 18 till the day you got hitched !


6. No obligation to shave legs/moustache/ any other decidedly unfeminine ( yet perfectly apparent in all women ) features

5. COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE TV REMOTE

4. You get to look at married couples with families and notice that , although you are just as exhausted and burnt out as they are, you fatigue is from the excess of partying and not getting up at 5am to do the school run and all that comes with it!

3. You can STILL sell your car , quit your job and work in a bar in Goa/ Antibes/Galway/ or somewhere equally exotic if the fancy takes you .

2. Snot , poo, wee and dribble are ( hopefully ) the stuff of distant , distant nightmares. Unless of course you are a teacher, in which case , suck it up - and think of how strong your immune system now is after years of exposure !

1. Rest assured that , despite Bridget Jones description of “ smug marrieds “ , your married friends will , at some point , lament to you the loss of their single days of freedom - in much the same way we tell teenagers that the teens are the most carefree years of their lives. And you get to respond piously “ Yeah it’s fab, can you take your kid back now , I promised the girls I’d go meet them for brunch “

unbelievable...

It is with great disgust that I have to report the total disregard that my mother ship's government seems to have with its peoples wishes . Ireland is supposedly democratic. Europe does not like that the Irish people have voted " No" to the Lisbon Treaty .

Its my understanding that many other European governments did not even put this Treaty to referendum. I was quite proud to learn that the Irish people would exercise their democratic right to vote on the future of their country , while other nations were not given the choice. Alas , it seems we were dooped!

The Irish public voted " No" to the treaty, and whether we , the government , or the EU parliment like it or not , the people have spoken . End of story , right? Its a democracy , right?

Apparently not ! Our Taoiseach ( prime minister ) , Mr. Cowen , depicted in the graffiti above, has decided to override the democratic wishes of the Irish public, by asking us to vote again. we now have two choices , vote "yes" , or , vote " yes " .

I am thoroughly ashamed of our government. BIFFO , ( Big Ignorant F$&*ker From Offaly) as our taoiseach is affectionately known, has decided to put it to vote again - wonder what kind of scaremongering lies ahead in order to produce the desired vote. Oh , the shame of it !