Atlantis Mania

So, we went to Atlantis last night - to the new club , "sanctuary". Now, I declared many moons ago that I was over the club scene in Dubai . Its full of posers, movers and shakers , the " look at me " crowd. Don't get me wrong , I'm not above getting blind drunk and making a twat of myself on the dancefloor but , you know , it gets kind of old !

Anyway , I came out of retirement last night to experience the decadence that is " Sanctuary ". I have to say - the Atlantis hotel looks like it was kind of thrown together in terms of interior design and workmanship . Its as though someone said " Quick , Mr. Trumps helicopter will land in ten minutes - throw up that light there , stick up some stone cladding here. Whats that you say - you only have puke green and sickly paint left? Come on , time is money GO GO GO ! "

I won't be entirely unfair here though - the actual club was nice . In true Dubai fashion - money changed hands so we could put our rears on a seat . We duely complied and settled into our night .

By 1:00 am ,the ladies toilets ( theres only one ladies room ) had flooded , rendering me cross legged. Im pretty sure the dancing girls on the balcony had started to dribble baby lotion from their long , fake tanned limbs onto the open mouthed gawpers staring pervily ( is that a word ?) at them . The music got faster and more rave like - and I realised that my poor choice of whiskey and coke obviously did not blast me into lift off with the rest of the club. Truth be told , I heard more than one person utter " You know what I need right now? An E! " Yes , THAT kind of music.

But , dear friends, the night had a silver lining ! Oh yes , just when I was feeling like : " I'm too old to be doing this " I got asked for I.D. !!! That's right- I might feel like an old granny at times - but hey , I don't look it ! Must be my exercise and healthy eating regime .... !

Anyway , I don't think Atlantis is the club for me - too thumpity thumpity - give me Rockbottom any day Come on , you all know you loved it at some point - and thou shalt return , at some weak moment and weep at the drunken simplicity of it all .Any club where I can wear my flipflops and a tank top without feeling like a fashion failure , or not get an inferiority complex about my lack of tangerine complexion or blonde hair extensions , gets my "yes" vote !

Now , I'm going to see whether or not the recalled Irish Pork products my mother brought for me are really as dangerous as the news reports say .It would be a shame to waste some Irish rashers for your hangover just because of a few measly toxins !