He Said She Said

Dear Oprah.... Lebanon is NOT like that !

2009-10-30T07:13:00.000-07:00

BREAKING: Inside sources have been quoted that “Oprah is in distress because of the attacks from Lebanon”. This all started when Oprah Winfrey showed a promo clip for an upcoming episode of her show, explaining how fans can be so fanatic sometimes in all parts of the world. Oprah described Nancy Ajram as “the Britney Spears of the Middle East”. Oprah noted that the sexy dance moves “caused quite the controversy in this deeply conservative country.” She also showed photos of veiled women sitting in the desert; two photos that have nothing to do with Lebanon……

It seems that Oprah’s use of the phrase “deeply conservative” to portray Lebanon has sparked a heated discussion in this tiny Middle Eastern country; some have gone so far as to call for an uprising against this unjust interpretation.

While some may dispute that it is the responsibility of her ruthless PR team to do the research beforehand, many have argued that Oprah herself needs to publicly apologize. After all, this Queen of Control Freak Journalism knows all too well that the blame will always fall on the person under the spotlight, the individual facing the cameras.

Facebook users have created a group appropriately named “Dear Oprah…. Lebanon is NOT like that!” With almost 21,000 members at the time of writing, this online phenomenon is growing rapidly in numbers. In its relatively short time, it now has more members than the group “Palestine”, usually the most talked about topic in the Middle East.

To make sense of the term “deeply conservative”, which was used to illustrate them, members of the group have so far pointed fingers at a number of people - from Oprah herself down to the deprived and poor politicians that run the country. In a country like Lebanon, the price of tomato today is a political issue. Some citizens have taken it upon themselves to stop eating carrots because they are orange and that is the color that represents a particular opinionated party.

Creators of this group have pointed out that “This is NOT a hate group. And any hate messages that attack the person of Oprah Winfrey do not represent the thoughts of the Lebanese community as a whole, nor the creator of this group. Such messages will be DELETED.”

A member by the name Jax H. thinks this is a conspiracy theory, he goes on to say; “Guys... this is a planned media campaign against Lebanon paid by another Arabian country which they think it will take over Lebanon's place as the capital of Middle East.”

Zeina H. has this to offer; “Dear Oprah, I’m sending u a first class ticket on MEA airlines and 5 star accommodation hotel in Beirut in order to visit our country before u do ur next research about us…” In which her friend Dima D. commented; “ur right im with u bas sa7n l tabouleh 3layeh :P” Dima agrees with Zeina but has asked that she buys Oprah the Tabouleh. Tabouleh is a Levantine dish of Lebanese origin. The “:P” sign in Dima’s comment depicts a person sticking out their tongue. It is not yet known whether Dima disturbingly gestures using the muscle on the floor of her mouth towards Zeina, Oprah or the Tabouleh. But since the tongue is the primary source of taste, sources are saying it is most likely directed at the Tabouleh.

The confusion does not stop there, Malaak Z. has dug deep into the subject matter, these are various extracts from her note; “The prob is not the word “conservative” that Oprah used…in Lebanon most of the ppl in it don’t accept homosexuals, civil marriage….but I must remind you, that a lot of Americans don’t accept many things also…for god’s sake some of them even hate black people…why??? Bcoz they were born with different skin color!! & Obama being president cant change the facts…. That report was shown on purpose, coz I don’t believ that she wasn’t watching the news this summer, especially the “GREAT CNN”,… I’m 100% sure that she saw the reports….. she has a large influence on American ppl& we all saw her on Obama’s campain.”

It is not sure whether Malaak has extensive insight into the American Civil Rights Movement, or she is merely an observer stating her opinions. If it is one thing for sure we know about Malaak, it is that she forgot to use the spelling and grammar checker provided under the Toolbar.

Moe K. has said “I will reply to Oprah soon by something special… She use to be one of my favorite TV shows, but not anymore.” The CIA are investigating this threat. Rumor has it that Oprah is quoted as saying “I don’t see it as a direct threat, but I am fearful that my career will end because Moe might stop watching my show.”

To clear the air, Lebanese Politicians have tried to calm the streets by holding a round-table discussion. The round-table was used in order for them to face each other; politicians in Lebanon have always preferred to hold talks with the more customary rectangular fashioned table. The dialogue was postponed because it was reported that two politicians were overheard discussing selling Lebanon to Oprah. An anonymous insider was quoted as saying “One of the politicians whispered to the other “she can buy it, she has a lot of money she can find a way to move it into her backyard.”

Both politicians have since been expelled from holding government office. They are reported to be in discussions with the Merriam Webster publications to buy the phrase “deeply conservative” in an effort to sell it to Miss. Winfrey at a premium.

This intellectual debate goes on – the Lebanese have once again proved to be at the forefront. Art, philosophy, poetry, talent and aptitude have always been an integrated part of Lebanese society. One can only help but wonder, why has this beautiful country been in ruins for the past 30 years? Its’ people are evidently very concerned with justice and political correctness. The group “Dear Oprah… Lebanon is NOT like that!” is proof that the Lebanese people will not allow this prejudice portrayal and intolerance. The Lebanese will always stand in the way of fanaticism. But not color, color always finds its way through, orange, yellow, green, blue, white, whatever the color – the Lebanese will somehow bend over.

a controversial issue

2009-10-25T08:50:00.000-07:00

I am sitting here watching a BBC debate on immigration in the UK and it has got me thinking. A representative for the BNP is arguing about Britains "indigneous" people ,its immigrants, and their right to gain citizenship. The reaction of the audience has been that of outrage towards Mr. Nick Griffin's comments throughout the show. He wants the British government to pull up the ladder on immigration into the country.It's a view from the far right .

Switch now to a conversation I had this week with an Arab national , whose three children were born in Canada , carry a Canadian passport, but reside in the UAE. Low and behold, said lady is pregnant again and is now seeking a new country to deliver her new born baby in . She asked me to ask a family member in the know , whether or not she could pop over to Ireland ( as it is so much closer than Canada ) to give birth .

So, I obliged and did a bit of research for her. It turns out , that after a "free for all " on Irish immigration , which saw any Irish Born Children ( IBCs) getting automatic citizenship, the Irish laws on immigration have tightened up. It is no longer possible to hop off a plane at 8 months pregnant , stay for a month or two, never to return, but have a child who automatically gets an Irish passport.

Am I being too harsh in my thinking when I think that the idea of somebody getting nationality for no other reason other than simply being born in a country, is a bit off ? Is it really that easy to do it?Would the "citizen" be liable to pay tax in their adult life? And if the Irish government have managed to put a stop to it , are Canadian and American governments really allowing it ? How does it benefit them? If you are going to live in a country, contribute to its economy, learn a little about its culture and identify at least some aspect of your persona with being Irish , then fine . Would I think of this in a different light if I came from a country that didn't have the most desirable passport in the world? ( Not saying for a second that Ireland has the most desirable passport , but it ain't the worst by any stretch of the imagination )

What amazed me was that some people don't seem to realise what a contentious issue this is with certain nations. They have no qualms about openly seeking nothing but a piece of paper - without being willing to do anything for it !If you want to live in a country - thats a different story. But popping out a baby and running back home is a whole other issue. If a country is not good enough for you to spend more than a month in , then why should that country issue you with a passport? If neither parents have a substantial tie to a country - have no intention of anything but gleaning the benefits of the passport , then should it be allowed?

Maybe someone can help me see this from an angle I haven't thought of yet ...Is a sense of Arab identity less important than future opportunities and easier travel?I understand that this move is generally to improve opportunities for their offspring - but is that a good enough reason? Will the passport holder pledge loyalty to its host country in years to come?
HE agrees with the notion of going elsewhere for a week or two for the sake of a passport. But it just doesn't sit right with me . I know it is common place in this region for those who can afford it . Is it right for people to accept the protection and benefits of another countries passport when they haven't ever resided there? Or does all that just not matter- as it is just a piece of paper - albeit an important one?

Know your audience...

2009-10-22T10:02:00.001-07:00

I found this in Ikea a while back . Is it just me , or does this picture seem a little out of place in a ad campaign in the Middle East?

The real Dubai

2009-10-22T09:40:00.000-07:00

The all powerful Oprah Winfrey , award winning talk show host and general expert on all things worth knowing is reaching out to world and giving her viewers a chance to see how - we're all just working moms, no matter what our address.

She interviewed several women from across the globe to get an insight into their lives. Here is Dubai's segment ....

Wow! If I watched this from my living room in Texas , I would love the idea of a tax free country , with free water, electricity, and healthcare. Dare I say, it's a little inaccurate for the majority of residents here . Also love how she is skyping from a country where skype is banned ! Ho hum.

"keepin' it real" gone wrong...

2009-09-14T08:13:00.001-07:00

I like Kanye West . I bought his first album , his second album and I even stuck by his latest ventures of relying almost exclusively on that voice synthesiser crap. But music snob I ain't and one of the joys of being a music fan over a certain age is that you can separate the music from the personality. And oh my , what a personality!

Click here to see Kanye making an utter tit of himself on MTV's 2009 VMA's. Oh, and here, and here and .... you get the picture.

For the record, Beyonce's video probably WAS better than Taylor Swift's. So , in fact, was Pink's video ... .funny how they managed to smile and applaud! Beyonce even managed to try to make up for the embarrassment of it all by sharing her moment in the spot light ( God know's she has enough of them ) later on in the show. She called Taylor Swift up on stage , saying how she remembered her first VMA win and how exciting it was, giving Taylor a chance to get a better stab at her thank yous!

I want to send Kanye to the same bootcamp that Serena Williams should do a stint in ! I think he is a cranky blogger trapped in a celebrities body - but when the world is watching , if you dont have anything nice to say - shut it !

Serena Williams

2009-09-13T10:11:00.000-07:00

Im not a sports fan in the least , but I do love the drama that can go hand in hand with sports !

Serena Williams managed to let her temper get the better of her and line judge went running to the tournament referee , complete with forlorn looks and pointing ! Williams showing a lack of sportmanship for the second time in this US Open title defence match , made sure that drama ran high after she broke her racket when she lost the first set .

" If I could , I'd take this ball and shove it down your throat !" she bellowed at the line judge in front of a shocked crowd. Nice one Serena , bet you feel a bit stupid today!!

It kind of reminded of the John McEnroe days" You cannot be serious!!"

More adventures in Paris

2009-08-22T20:11:00.001-07:00

Now that I have paid hommage to the french and their food , it's time to rip into them, non?

We flew with Qatar airways to CDG airport in Paris. The flight was ideal ( I think the nail marks in his arm , my special way of coping with turbulence , have faded now ) and we arrived in Paris without too many issues .

On our return journey , we debated about what the weight restrictions on luggage were and eventually concluded that it was 30kg per person . I did think at the time that this may have been wrong , but as we didn't buy too many souvenirs ( mostly fridge magnets , caricatures and a few items of clothing ) we reckonned we would be alright. Oh , how wrong we were !

A word of warning , when arriving for a flight in CDG , do not arrive any later than three hours early - you never know what could go wrong. We got there two hours before the flight and started to queue. While we were at the end of this line, and had to wait for about half an hour, I certainly didnt feel we were pushing any time limits and had even contemplated a few more fridge magnate purchases in duty free.

When we finally reached the counter, we met with our french Qatar Airways representative. Let's call him Pierre for arguments sake. Up goes our luggage onto the scales and , wouldn't you know it , we are 16kg over between the two of us. At this point , I decided to let him take over negotiations. In my experience with the french , if they know you speak french , they can be twice as venemous with their insults, so I kept schtum . I also have quite a short fuse when dealing with arrogant pups.

Pierre ( beginning to shriek) : You are heavy , you are heavy ! You must pay , quickly, quickly .

Him : Really? I thought it was 30kg? I'm pretty sure the ticket said 30kg.

Pierre: Non , non , non , non , non ! You arrive late, you have too much luggage and now you are telling me it's ok? ITS NOT OK? What did you expect when you arrive so late like this?I cannot help you . You must pay , NOW , go to that counter over there ! WAIT ! I HAVE TO GIVE YOU TICKET!!

Him : Ok , how much is it? Where do we pay?

Pierre : I DON'T KNOW ! IT'S NOT MY PROBLEM . HURRY UP - I WILL CLOSE THE FLIGHT. WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ?HOW CAN YOU COME SO LATE LIKE THIS ?

Him : We were queueing for a long time , we weren't late. Ok , just tell me where to pay please ...?

Pierre at this point continues to scream like a scorned lover , delaying us by another ten minutes . He lectured us and there was lots of tutting and rolling of eyes. We went over to the special " over weight counter " and discovered that we owed 600 Euros . I started to hyperventilate slightly and ran back to Pierre .

Her: Look , we can't pay that much , it's crazy , please , give me the bags back and we will ditch some of our luggage .

Pierre : NON

Her : WHAT???

Pierre : Non ! I am not letting you on the flight . It's too late, I am closing , your luggage is staying here now .

Her: You can't be serious . We will throw luggage away . We will make it lighter ! Please ! We are sorry , we didn't know !!

Pierre: You should have come early if you will make problems like this.

Pierre prompltly made a "hmmph " sound and turned his back on us! I'm pretty sure they take assault fairly seriously in airports, so it was probably for the best when He ushered me to one side in a bid to damage control . After some intense apologising on our part, Pierre finally decided to let us rip open our bags and pull out anything we deemed unneccessary . In the cull , we lost boots, jeans and sweaters while we transefered ipods and speakers to our handluggage and hoped for the best. All the while ,Pierre continued to scream at us !

When we re-weighed our things, we apparently had reached an acceptable weight . I nearly wanted to point out that we had both gained a stone since the last flight ( the french hate fat people ) and what was he gonna do about that , eh?? But common sense , or , um , fear, prevailed and we continued our humble apologies . The charitable soul decided that , actually , he would let us on the flight . We took our tickets and ran like bats out of hell to passport control . We weren't late initially , but we certainly were now. Further more, it seems that entire Kuwaiti polulation has decided to drag themselves away from the cafes of the Champs Elyisee and head home , so the non European passport queue was chronic . ( Were there any Kuwaitis who weren't in Paris this August?? )

When we finally got to the closing boarding gate , I am pretty sure we were flagged for swine flu , what with the red faces, the wheezing and puffing . The air hosts were lovely , gave us water, and seemed to realise something had happened to the two bewildered passengers. Maybe they knew we had just had a lovers tiff with Pierre. I have never met anyone so unprofessional and stroppy in my life. I felt like we were breaking up with the guy in a restaurant and he had decided "Screw this, I'm going to make a scene "

While he is not the first French man to scream at me , and certainly won't be the last , I never fail to be utterly gobsmacked at how unbelievably arrogant certain individuals can be. It's amazing how a little power can go to someone's head isn't it !

si le vin est bon...

2009-08-22T19:28:00.000-07:00

I'm only too aware that when a person goes on holiday - it's easy to compare your standard of living for those two weeks with how a person lives on a daily basis in Dubai. Of course, Dubai always comes out as the underdog in these stakes. let's face it , 45 degrees, dust, sand and having to constantly repeat yourself over and over for clarification doesn't inspire much love when you think about it with a cynical approach!

For the sake of sparing you all from my usual aimless rants , I am going to talk about just one aspect of my holidays this year ; the food! We have just returned from a fabulous two week stay in Paris , where Lebanese and Irish contingency of our families met , and managed not to fight , nay , even got on like a proverbial house on fire ! With the formalities out of the way ,we were left to savour some of the more important features of our parisien adventure - eating!

French bread , cheese, wine, you name it - the French seem to get it right when it comes to all kinds of eating - be it dining out or cooking at home. The quality of raw ingredients are so superior , that for the first time in a long time, I could have happily munched on a tomato with bread all day and not felt the need for something "tastier" which I so often do here in Dubai !
Little bistros , never to be reviewed by restaurant critics , managed to serve up the most simple and tasty dishes at such value. This is what makes france different from so many other countries in the world. The french seem to have such a respect for the enjoyment and qaulity of food , they view is as a right , not merely an option, to savour superior meals at a fraction of the cost. The availabiliy of such beautiful produce is restricted to none and available to all . It is classless and not reliant on the quantity of your pay cheque- thus making it attainable by the majority .

Now lets flick over to Dubai. Horrible , insipid fruit and vegetables, pumped with all manner of chemicals and pesticides languish in the aisles of Spinneys et al . While many a shwarma stand can produce award winning food , quality at a pocket friendly price seems to stop here. Maybe it's my cooking skills that lack the imagination needed to produce such mouth watering dishes( distinctly possible ) but something tells me it's not all that simple.

As consumers, we are told that we can vote with our feet when it comes to quality of food. The more organic , high quality produce we buy , the cheaper and more widely available it will become. How I wish that would actually happen here in Dubai! Despite putting on a stone ( yes , a full stone ) in two weeks , I am sure that I would be inspired to eat healthy foods here if only it were as flavoursome, cheap and as widely available as it was in Paris. Well , that's my excuse and I am sticking to it . I would love to see an entire organic produce section in spinneys that is far bigger than the processed foods aisles.

The first thing I ate when I came back to Dubai? A packet of koka noodles and a can of Fanta orange. If this continues , I am not merely heading for a heart attack , but I am also staring down the barrel of having to buy an entire new wardrobe or donning a cover all abaya for the coming months. So far , I am uninspired to consume anything labelled "fresh " here. It's 7 am and I have just wolfed down 3 hobnobs for breakfast . This blog may just turn into a weight loss obsessed foodies blog . You have been warned !

A little taste of home

2009-07-20T05:03:00.000-07:00

My father has taken up photography since he retired , and I have to say , it suits him ! Here are some pictures which explain why some days , I find the desert particularly hard work!

Sleazy come, Sleazy go

2009-07-19T10:43:00.000-07:00

Why the hell am I blogging? I clearly should be writing for the Times - they don't seem to fussy about who they hire !

My LOL moments from this article are numerous !

This is Mr. Liddle's take on an , until recently , unspoken quid pro quo :

" ....You can swan around in your flash cars and hang out at the malls, just as if you were in Maidstone or Cottbus or Pretoria. You can dress like you were at a stag-party pub crawl in Prague, or like an infidel whore on the make , and we'll grit out teeth and smoke our hubba-bubba pipes and look the other way .You can even have that other stuff you seem to like so much, the relentless, enervating fornicating, the stuff Allah really dislikes; we will turn a blind eye to the legion upon legion of addled post-Soviet whores in your horrible Brit-style pubs, nightclubs and wine bars, the cheap babes from the ’stans. Just keep the money pouring in, please: keep building those gargantuan hotels and facilitating those loans for us."

Any relevant point he may have had has been sliced up by his snarky syle . I think I may return to this article at a later date to disect it a little . But for now , fellow Dubai resisdents - do enjoy !!

Just in case

2009-07-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

One of my favourite things to do when I go back to Ireland is to check out the supermarkets. They are so much nicer than in Dubai , albeit more expensive!
This time around, I came across a little gem which no doubt will come in handy after a good session. While I am very lucky to live over a Lebanese bakery, which usually caters to all my hangover needs , I sometimes do find the need to jump in the car and actually drive somewhere the night before. If , like me , you cannot tell the difference between your hangover of monstrous proportions , and actually being still intoxicated , then this is the product for you !

Each packet costs 7.99 euro and these can be a life saver - literally! The breath Alcohol Detector is for rapid detection of the presence of alcohol in the exhaled breath and provides relative Blood Alcohol Concentration at 0.05% . The test is based on a chemically chromogenic reaction. If alcohol is present in the exhaled breath, it reacts with the chemically coated crystals and produces a colour change.

The legal limits for blood alcohol concentration in Ireland is 0.08%. In the UK it is 0.05% and obviously in the UAE it would be a non presence of alcohol ( although this is apparently impossible - even if you don't drink , as a certain amount will occur naturally !)

I'm definitely taking some of these back to the sweatbox!!

Dubai Bloggers

2009-07-15T12:53:00.000-07:00

The news that this blog had been listed as one of the more readable in Dubai on Dubai92 fm warranted an overseas phonecall ! So THANK YOU Mr. McNabb.

HE passed on the news to me as I holiday here in Costa Del Irlande , and while it did indeed warms the cockles of my little heart , what was even more interesting is that now HE has started to call it "our blog" again , after many months of calling it " that blog you have". Awww!

Here is the list !

http://www.motherinferiordubai.wordpress.com

2009-06-28T10:02:00.000-07:00

I went to Arabian centre this weekend in search of a manicure. As usual , I engaged in a little window shopping and was nabbed by a sales assistant in the new " Va-va-voom" cosmetics shop.

Now, I've got what appears to be very good, clear looking skin , despite being a smoker. I don't ever tan , which as caused more than a few arguments over the years . HE has a lebanese bronzed complexion , SHE is Irish . Nuff said!

Funnily enough , on the day I went Arabian centre , it was in a bid to avoid a day at a hotel pool!The sales assistant offered a free skin analysis using a machine they had in the store. I thought . " Hey, what's the worst that could happen ? " I figured that seeing as I have not yet hit 30, that the damage would be pretty minimal !

Look and see for yourself the damage I have inflicted on my skin over a couple of decades. Admitedly , I don't wear sun screen on a daily basis , that said, I NEVER spend time in the sun . We live a life indoors here in Dubai , and I am aware that I will easily burn in a couple of minutes, so I just don't put myself in the that sotuation. How stupid I was!

If you look at the second last picture labelled " UV spots" you can see the extent of skin damage I have from the sun. I look like somebody has spattered me with paint . I don't have too many wrinkles ( see pictures) but the sales assistant gleefully told me that it was merely a matter of time . Yikes ! So my warning of the day is , in the words of Baz Lurhman, WEAR SUNSCREEN! I am NOT a sunworshipper , and just look at the damage I already have after 4 years in Dubai running from the car to my building minus sun protection ! SLIP SLAP SLOP people!

Facebook is for EVERYBODY!

2009-06-26T08:52:00.000-07:00

Gulf news carries a story about Sheikh Mohammed Bin Rashid's Facebook page!
Yep, thats right , we will get status updates, can nose around his photo albums , add him as a friend and marvel at his internet savvy!

I am not quite sure what to make of this , but I'm certainly amused by the notion of the leader of Dubai opening up a facebook page , particularly when the rumour mill was telling us that facebook might be banned a year or two ago !

His latest status says , "I visited the Ministry of Education today and would like to raise this question: Should the new academic year start during Ramadan or after the Eid holiday?"

I am dying to add him as a friend and comment with something along the lines of ,
" knock yourself out buddy , it's your call - but please, try to let us know what you decide in advance, rather than on the first day of school when Im setting out books for my students - only to discover we have a further two weeks holiday ! Thaaanks! " I would add a few smileys too !

I don't doubt for a second that the page will be watched carefully in case of negative comments , but fair play to him for allowing an entire country the opportunity to poke him ! I think this is hilarious!

King of Pop dies

2009-06-25T20:57:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting here in disbelief. Michael Jackson has died in Los Angeles aged 50. As the news spread, hundreds of fans gathered outside the hospital where he passed away . The cause of death at present is unknown ,but he was said to have been taken to hospital after falling ill at home , full cardiac arrest.

According to skynews, wikipedia and Google collapsed under the weight of internet enquiries about his death. Jackson was one of the few performers to be truely known world wide. His music spanned generations and the controversies of his life in later years led his music to take a back seat to allegations of child abuse and other scandals in his personal life.

He was an extraordinary person, in every sense of the word. The eccentricities of this man were legendary, and for somebody that was so private , his life had been treated like a circus for many years. As somebody who has performed since he was 6 years old, and therefore has essentially built up a fan base for 44 years, his death is sure to spark a public outcry, debate , or for some, more burning effigies.

Whether he was guilty or not , what was the first thought that popped into your head when his name was mentionned? Personally , I have not been able to hear his music by for many years without remembering those child abuse allegations , or without seeing those crazy images of him dangling babies over balconies. Trial by public opinion is harsh , and we will never know for sure whether he was a misunderstood genius , or a sick paedophile who happened to be in the public limelight.

Game over...?

2009-06-20T01:02:00.000-07:00

There are two main reasons for silence on this blog. The first is that things are going swimmingly, bills paid, stomachs full, minds at ease . Therefore no willingness to record it in any form , lest I tempt faith , stick out the proverbial tongue at my good fortune and gloat. That is just asking for trouble.

Its important to note that the above reason for blogging silence rarely occurs. I haven’t posted since some time in May , because , well, read my last entry - if that wasn’t a smug “ ooh I love my job and all is well” then I don’t know what is ! So, in true and time tested accuracy , things started to hit the fan shortly thereafter. While strife can lead to busy blogging , sometimes there is so much going wrong - that to write it all down isn’t really an option ! And there you have reason number 2.

Having lived here for 4 years, I can safely say that I am not a better person for it . I have rage issues ( please scroll down and take your pick from any number of posts). I have joined an entire population of people suffering from a combination of wanderlust, greed and despair. The golden days of Dubai are numbered. It turned out that those who bleated “ if you don’t like it , then leave” were right after all ! I should have left 3 years ago , when I had not yet completed my transformation in a racist , bigoted , self-pitying and fully fledged rat - race participant.

As someone who initially had a very strong sense of their own identity , I have turned , within one lifetime, into a third culture child. Someone who moves along with the ebb and flow of life , but never quite manages to get a sense of stability .

What does happen to the burnt out souls of Dubai? Our numbers have dwindled in the last 8 months, many have been forced to return to their home countries, heads down and pride dented. Will our compatriots welcome us home , and let us pick up where we left off? Or have we destined ourselves to being urban nomads for the rest of our days , straddling cultures , nationalities and loyalties?

nine months and counting ...

2009-05-05T08:46:00.000-07:00

I could've cooked up a baby in that time ! Who knew PRO's could be so utterly USELESS! Is this the universe telling me to just GO HOME? I think I may have beaten the all time record to wait for a visa to be processed! Still nothing ! Can anyone beat this time frame?

God's Busy... Can I Help? No? Ok, Only Joke, Look Only T-shirt, Me Joke.

2009-05-02T05:34:00.000-07:00

I won't go into much detail of what happened during the Rage to the Extreme Concert that took place at the Palace Hotel in Bahrain on Thursday night. Many rock fans deemed the night one of the worst nights in Bahrain's history of hosting rock concerts.

The story is here and here.

Local musician Prasad Jayaruwa of the band Mushroom Massacre was pulled aside by CID officials before being escorted to the CID office in Adilya, Bahrain for sporting what they thought was an offensive t-shirt.

The t-shirt displayed a slogan which read "God's Busy... Can I Help?".

Conservative MPs in the lower house have often cautioned against allowing rock concerts in Bahrain, claiming that many of the people involved were implicated in "Satanic" practices.

The "offensive" T-shirt was confiscated and Prasad later returned to the venue wearing a new shirt bearing the image of pop star Craig David.

I knew it!! I knew it all along!! I always had this eerie and peculiar feeling about him. And now, it turns out he's Satan in the flesh, he's at the forefront, the vanguard for all these "Satanic" practices. Bahraini conservative MP's knew it all along, but for some reason they and the CID just decided, after intense negotiations, to unleash this crucial piece of information to the world. These conservative MP's have alot on their plate these days and they have asked us, the people, to help. We must act. It was always there in front of our eyes. Let us look at the facts;

From Craig David's song library;

7 DAYS

I met this girl on Monday
Took her for a drink on Tuesday
We were making love by Wednesday and on Thursday & Friday & Saturday
We chilled on Sunday

No one, I tell you no one can meet a girl on Monday and take her out for a drink on Tuesday and then make love on Wednesday, Thursday, Friday AND Saturday but STILL be there "chilling" on Sunday.
Normal men would be out the door by Thursday never to be seen.
What Craig David displays are super human powers, hence Satan.

WHAT'S YOUR FLAVA

You're what I need
I wanna taste you (taste you)
Take you home with me
You look so good
Good enough to eat

'Nuff said!!

HUMAN

Oh Lady
I'm only human
Of flesh and blood I'm made
I'm only human
Born to make mistakes

Liar!!, he looks human and everyone thinks he's human. Why is he labouring the point, has he something to hide?

And last but not least...

SHE'S ON FIRE

She's on fire tonight
She's on fire tonight
She's on fire tonight She's on fire, she's on fire
She's on fire tonight
She's on fire tonight
She's on fire tonight
She's on fire, she's on fire
She's on (fire)
She's on fire, (fire)
She's on fire, (fire)
She's on fire, told you before

This is too much!!

Thinking about it, I blame these conservative MP's for all the fallen victims.

Note: For all of you that thought Dick Cheney was the devil, suck it up. He's just a knob.

Dubizzle

2009-04-30T00:35:00.001-07:00

I heard about this ad on Dubizzle and decided to check it out. This guy is offering a two bedroom in Arabian Ranches for 60,000 - I think it is to take over his lease.

I really wish it was a witty hoax , but I have a horrible feeling that it isnt.

Here is a little excerpt:

"And before you ask. Yes, this is a real rental ad. This is not a bait and switch nor lost leader nor an agent. You email me, I call you, you look at house, you like house, you take. No, 6 cheques won't work, no, I can't negotiate, no I won't meet you on Friday morning at 7am as Thirstday nights are punishing for me.

What do you think? Applicants with moving trucks and advice on living in cars welcome to apply. Palmera is groovy. Oh, if you need appliances you can buy them from me as well. They are a year old and in great condition. The oven has been used once to cook a dysfunctional family Christmas dinner."

It would be nice if someone even offered this guy a job on the merit of his funny writing style - not a nice situation to be in !

Reaching new lows

2009-04-28T09:22:00.001-07:00

Clearly - I'm not a millionaire. Anyone who reads this blog knows that I am a teacher by profession and can just about keep my head above water on my wages.

So I know its not a huge threat to my bank's financial future when I threatened to close my account with them . But, between 2 cancelled credit cards ( involuntary ) in the last month , 5 phone calls to record change of address ( to date , still incomplete ) , 8 call centre operators mispronouncing my name and ( Lou -oo , Lao-oo-see , Lee- laa ,erm MAAAAAAM ) and a rather tense scene in a Spinneys where I was actually removed from the check- out area, I think I am ready to keep my money in my mattress! Is it considered Slander to name and shame ?

Sensitive Souls

2009-04-28T08:29:00.000-07:00

7 days has a story about an Austrailian guy who just last week was deported for giving someone the middle finger in a traffic situation.

I know this one is an obvious choice for she who has well documented road rage issues - but I couldn't resist! Deportation? Seriously , this man has come to the country to work as a nurse - is on the way home from a 13 hour shift and has to encounter a boy racer with an attitude problem. There was a time where I would have said " there isnt a jury in the world who would convict you ! " AAh but I forget where I am , and need to realise that things are not so black and white!

I'm all for respecting the laws of a country etc etc, but isn't this one going a little too far ? 24 days in jail and deportation- for a raised middle finger. What exactly is it about the ego of those who feel the need to report a hand gesture to the police? Get over it - be offended by all means - but why involve the law - are you THAT bitter ? Stop driving like an a-hole and you might not get flipped so often !

I understand that the other driver must have had rage issues of his own - what with following the nurse around a roundabout 8 times, driving up his rear and so on, but if he was in that much of a rush , how come he had the time to stalk someone all the way home?

I would love to see attrocious driving being targeted with the same venom as the " meany hand gestures!"
I can't imagine how poop scared this guy was as he was followed home by this maniac , knowing that he probably was in big trouble , despite the fact that HE wasn't the one endangering lives. I am so delighted that my drive to work is approximately 3 minutes long and if I so wish I don't have to go near a main road for weeks on end! I frequently wonder if I would have made it through another month of commuting here without finally losing the rag and doing something stupid!

The logic of this escapes me : driver proceeds like a maniac , weaving dangerously between cars , causing a near accident , other driver raises his middle finger - Who should take offence? Well , I must be out of touch with reality because last time I checked - I could brush off a rude gesture , but a broken collar bone, couple of cracked ribs and a wrecked car ( at best ) were not the kind of thing I could dust myself off from so easily!

What is this place coming to? And to the victim , Darren O'Mullane, take your hard working rear end back to Austrailia - this country doesn't deserve you or people like you !

It's beneath my dignity...

2009-04-23T20:52:00.000-07:00

In Kuwait last week a controversy has developed over where or not policemen should be forced to salute their female superiors.

The female officer works at the General Traffic Department and when she pulled up the policeman for not saluting her, he replied saying it is below his ‘dignity’ to salute her because he is a man and she is a woman. You know the old blurb we used to get here when hitting inappropriate website ..." inconsistent with code of ethics, moral ...etc " Yes, thats the one!

So what is the solution to this? A Religious cleric Ojail al-Nashmi issued a fatwa that "A man's salute to a military woman with higher rank is a breach to tribal and urban tradition" .

While a fatwa is not legally binding in Kuwait , there is still pressure from Islamists , the countries main opposition force . The same group opposed the rights of women to vote in 2005 , but in an ironic twist , they now rely on the voting female majority for victory in elections .

Now the Minstry of Interior are considering the option of giving the female officers a pay rise of 50dk ( about 600 dhs) on their wages for every salute which male colleagues refuse to give them or imposing administrative penalties on the male police officers in question.

For my part, I hope these female officers get their pay rise - AND give a little salute of their own to the offenders ! In the meantime , Kuwait is now on my "go see" list !

18 month old declared illegal

2009-04-14T00:58:00.000-07:00

The law will be implemented equally . Without exceptions it seems. The story is here.

2009-04-13T23:43:00.000-07:00

I was going to write about this weeks ago. It's very interesting to me to see exactly who gets hot and bothered under their collar in this city about how women dress. Why is it so often men who react the in the most extreme manner to this topic? It's such a contentious issue and has started many an argument 'tween friends.

7days newspaper has published a letter by a reader who is complaining that she was harassed in a popular nightclub in Dubai.

Its amazing when you scratch the surface with people , what kind of attitudes you uncover. A few of the comments for this letter have left me agog! The lady in question was advised on a number on points!

" If you can't take the heat , then get out of the kitchen "

"Its a club, not a place of worship. Drunkards and such will always be acting up in places like this. You're surprised? And don't single out Dubai. This happens around the world. "

Ok, so I could submit a reply to 7 days about this - but lets face it , I'm a long winded kind of person and I'm sure they have a max quota of words per letter!

For the record, this kind of thing does NOT happen all over the world. Its called sexual harassment and is far less frequent in some places than it is in others . Further more, if you wear a short skirt , people may look at you and perhaps think a little less of you - but they should damn well know that this does not give them any right to act on whatever little perverted impulse seeing your knees has created in them!

I wrote something recently on this issue but I never bothered putting it up on the blog. However I DO remember writing " hotness is hotness - you can't dull it down !"
It matters not to these people whether I am wearing a sack or a short skirt , if they are that way inclined , and have THAT little amount of respect for women- then they are going to MAUL you or at least try to !

So what to do? It's a catch 22 in this country , where really , as a woman, your presence in nightclubs to begin with casts aspersions over your virtuosity. You could fight the attitudes and continue to raise hell every time you are molested. Or you can take the advise of those 21st century men in 7 days , and get the hell over it , cos really , what else did you expect!

When are men in this country going to stop citing ridiculous reasons for unacceptable behaviour! For the record, this has happened to me on numerous occasions in the Middle East - although admittedly never in Dubai. Syria seemed to be teeming with perverts and gropers the last time I was there and in Jordan , I had somebody camp outside by hotel room banging on the door with a fist full of cash for my "services". I would like to add at this juncture that I don't even own a mini skirt.

There is most definitely a dress code here that should be adhered to . I tend to think that nightclubs are a little less restrictive in these matters because you are, after all, going there to drink , its hardly in keeping with the whole traditional Dubai ethos. Most girls I know will stay on the conservative side of dressing . I don't know anybody here who shows off an excess of flesh. To be honest, the attitude is , "why would you invite the inane staring - which , on a " I'm covered up to my neck and down to my ankles " day , is intense to say the least !

So , the bottom line is , GET A GRIP BOYS! No matter what your religion , your responsibility to behave in a respectful manner remains. Nobody invites assault onto themselves. I think that women here, although they know this statement is true, have it eroded somewhat in their minds living here year after year. With insinuations such as some of those comments in 7 days , its no surprise . If someone puts his hand up a girls skirt - why is it acceptable for our first question to be " How long was your skirt ?"

Put a ring on it ....

2009-04-09T19:59:00.000-07:00

If you like it then you’d better put a ring on it ….

What IS going on people?? I know we are approaching wedding season , but Dubai seems to be going ga- ga!

I know for a fact , that if I was living in Ireland , nobody would dare ask me why I wasn’t married - or insinuate that I am not in a serious relationship without a rock on my left ring finger - but clearly - these rules do not hold in Dubai !

Obviously , culture and religious restraints dictate that people do not live together, but lets face it , when you are from a western background , you generally don’t get married without living with your partner beforehand.
( Please step in and correct me , but I’m taking a cross section of my Irish girlfriends between 25 and 35 )

I’m seeing a spate of engagements here that I think , if the happy couples were on home turf , would not be happening . ( A bit like who you end up being friends with here, you may not typically be friends with them if you were back home - but when in Rome and all that )

On discussing this further with friend’s based in UAE , I have discovered a startling trend in women beginning in their late 20’s! It begins with eyeing every potential man as a husband. What religion is he? Where will we live ? Would my parents like him? And all these are coming up in the first month or two of a relationship! It’s gone beyond a joke !

It seems that , by some form of osmosis , be it through the media , or merely by social circumstances, girls of a certain age slowly but surely begin to regard themselves as less than whole unless they are married , or at least have a wedding in the wings !

The woman begins to notice the genuine pity in the eyes of colleagues , and can draw more than one parallel between herself and Bridget Jones . She may own more than one cat , which doesn’t help with the image of being single and content
( sorry )

So by some twisted , self fulfilling prophecy , scores of previously independent minded women are now dedicating themselves to meeting “ Mr. Right”! Once they have him, they start the mental check list . Perhaps she has given herself one year to an engagement , she might stretch the engagement out to another year or so , under the guise of “ saving up for the wedding “ , and then , oh yes, there’s the kiddies to think of .

Boys , beware of the new breed of woman out there, she is under pressure, time isn’t on her side if she is to birth Sprog #1 before her ovaries have begun to shrivel .
It is no longer considered rude to quiz a couple about the possibility of impending nuptials. Bridezilla’s are being spawned across Dubai by the societies unforgiving attitude towards the single woman.

Sooooo , I’ve compiled my own top ten reasons not to get married yet !!

10. You have signed no contract , so , like an absent minded employer who didn’t finalize the hiring process, you can leave this and get a new gig at any point should you wish to do so !

9. Your child bearing hips are still called curvaceous - and thankfully , don’t have a child perched on them yet.

8. You can still see the absurdity of women shortening their husbands name to “dh” ( dear husband ) in conversation - a sad reference to far too much time spent on a certain internet forum .

7. Your employers still pay you a housing allowance. Because we all know that when someone gets married here, the offers become less generous and you have to get your husband to sign his consent for you to do run of the mill tasks like getting a drivers license. Who knew the age of consent was actually only 18 till the day you got hitched !

6. No obligation to shave legs/moustache/ any other decidedly unfeminine ( yet perfectly apparent in all women ) features

5. COMPLETE CONTROL OF THE TV REMOTE

4. You get to look at married couples with families and notice that , although you are just as exhausted and burnt out as they are, you fatigue is from the excess of partying and not getting up at 5am to do the school run and all that comes with it!

3. You can STILL sell your car , quit your job and work in a bar in Goa/ Antibes/Galway/ or somewhere equally exotic if the fancy takes you .

2. Snot , poo, wee and dribble are ( hopefully ) the stuff of distant , distant nightmares. Unless of course you are a teacher, in which case , suck it up - and think of how strong your immune system now is after years of exposure !

1. Rest assured that , despite Bridget Jones description of “ smug marrieds “ , your married friends will , at some point , lament to you the loss of their single days of freedom - in much the same way we tell teenagers that the teens are the most carefree years of their lives. And you get to respond piously “ Yeah it’s fab, can you take your kid back now , I promised the girls I’d go meet them for brunch “

2009-03-27T10:30:00.000-07:00

The " HE " of this duo found this and its too good to leave festering away in youtube land... hope this guy makes it big. Have a listen

She said, He said nothing!

2008-12-13T05:36:00.000-08:00

A good friend rightly pointed out the innaccuracy in the title of this blog. Her brilliant suggestion was to change the name of the blog to " She said, He said nothing ". I'm strongly considering this.
Thanks to cartoon stock.com for this cartoon!

Atlantis Mania

2008-12-12T23:05:00.000-08:00

So, we went to Atlantis last night - to the new club , "sanctuary". Now, I declared many moons ago that I was over the club scene in Dubai . Its full of posers, movers and shakers , the " look at me " crowd. Don't get me wrong , I'm not above getting blind drunk and making a twat of myself on the dancefloor but , you know , it gets kind of old !

Anyway , I came out of retirement last night to experience the decadence that is " Sanctuary ". I have to say - the Atlantis hotel looks like it was kind of thrown together in terms of interior design and workmanship . Its as though someone said " Quick , Mr. Trumps helicopter will land in ten minutes - throw up that light there , stick up some stone cladding here. Whats that you say - you only have puke green and sickly paint left? Come on , time is money GO GO GO ! "

I won't be entirely unfair here though - the actual club was nice . In true Dubai fashion - money changed hands so we could put our rears on a seat . We duely complied and settled into our night .

By 1:00 am ,the ladies toilets ( theres only one ladies room ) had flooded , rendering me cross legged. Im pretty sure the dancing girls on the balcony had started to dribble baby lotion from their long , fake tanned limbs onto the open mouthed gawpers staring pervily ( is that a word ?) at them . The music got faster and more rave like - and I realised that my poor choice of whiskey and coke obviously did not blast me into lift off with the rest of the club. Truth be told , I heard more than one person utter " You know what I need right now? An E! " Yes , THAT kind of music.

But , dear friends, the night had a silver lining ! Oh yes , just when I was feeling like : " I'm too old to be doing this " I got asked for I.D. !!! That's right- I might feel like an old granny at times - but hey , I don't look it ! Must be my exercise and healthy eating regime .... !

Anyway , I don't think Atlantis is the club for me - too thumpity thumpity - give me Rockbottom any day Come on , you all know you loved it at some point - and thou shalt return , at some weak moment and weep at the drunken simplicity of it all .Any club where I can wear my flipflops and a tank top without feeling like a fashion failure , or not get an inferiority complex about my lack of tangerine complexion or blonde hair extensions , gets my "yes" vote !

Now , I'm going to see whether or not the recalled Irish Pork products my mother brought for me are really as dangerous as the news reports say .It would be a shame to waste some Irish rashers for your hangover just because of a few measly toxins !

unbelievable...

2008-12-11T09:58:00.000-08:00

It is with great disgust that I have to report the total disregard that my mother ship's government seems to have with its peoples wishes . Ireland is supposedly democratic. Europe does not like that the Irish people have voted " No" to the Lisbon Treaty .

Its my understanding that many other European governments did not even put this Treaty to referendum. I was quite proud to learn that the Irish people would exercise their democratic right to vote on the future of their country , while other nations were not given the choice. Alas , it seems we were dooped!

The Irish public voted " No" to the treaty, and whether we , the government , or the EU parliment like it or not , the people have spoken . End of story , right? Its a democracy , right?

Apparently not ! Our Taoiseach ( prime minister ) , Mr. Cowen , depicted in the graffiti above, has decided to override the democratic wishes of the Irish public, by asking us to vote again. we now have two choices , vote "yes" , or , vote " yes " .

I am thoroughly ashamed of our government. BIFFO , ( Big Ignorant F$&*ker From Offaly) as our taoiseach is affectionately known, has decided to put it to vote again - wonder what kind of scaremongering lies ahead in order to produce the desired vote. Oh , the shame of it !

Having said that...

2008-09-15T05:19:00.000-07:00

Due the letter below featured in 7days newspaper - I'm going to demonstrate how a real unadulterated whine is done! Gripe of the week ( hour / minute ) - Call centre operators. They don't listen , they don't apologise , they repeat the first inadequate solution to your problem over and over again , as if they haven't heard you the first time while you patiently told them why this "solution " would not solve anything !

My conversation went something like this :

ME : So basically I have been without any money for just under a week and the last 4 times I called you you promised me you would courier a cheque book to me so that I could pay my rent and preferably not become homeless. How is that going? I still haven't received a cheque book or new debit card . Its been almost a week .

Operator: Ok Ma'am , you have two options. You can come to the branch and collect your cheque book , or I can put in an urgent request to get it delivered.

M: I can't come to the branch . I have a job and I cant leave it to travel across the city .

O:Ok , Ma'am , you have two options . You can come to the branch and collect your cheque book , or I can put in an urgent request to get it delivered.

M : But this is the umpteenth time I have called you since ordering that cheque book - and each time you tell me you will put in an urgent request for me - these urgent requests aren't working and I am getting closer and closer to homelessness. Isn't there something else you can do ?

O: Ok Ma'am , you have two options. You can come to the branch and collect your cheque book , or I can put in an urgent request to get it delivered.

I think you get the gist . I also think I was speaking to a machine after this repeated answer was fired at me for the 10th time . Incidentally , all this is holding for 30 minutes . I have repeated this charade with them for the entire week .

Miraculously , today , somebody actually put me through to their supervisor - who also told me she couldn't do anything because it was Ramadan and everything was closed. But she will call me back tomorrow . I wont hold my breath ! Meanwhile - today was the day I was supposed to move apartments . But its ok , because apparently ,I have two options.....

Now we all know that customer service is Dubai ( while improving ) is shocking at best. A colleague of mine lived in Malawi for 15 years and said it was oodles more efficient than here. I tend to believe her.
There is something about customer service employees such as the ones in my bank that sees them just blindly following rules that serve absolutely no purpose whatsoever. They do not question why this inane rule is in place ,or why the system can't respond to a customer's most common query. And why do things remain the same? Because the style of management in Dubai is so pedantic , so "how dare you question my authority" that nobody wants to think outside the box and draw attention to themselves. Hence mediocrity reigns in Dubai .

I have no wasta whatsoever, and it seems that in this country , the lack of the latter means you will be sitting pretty for some time while employee blindly follow rules that don't fit ! You can build all the fancy towers you want Dubai , but if the simplest of things becomes like rocket science ( it has to be signed off by four people before an answer is given , no matter what the request ) you are still trailing behind a third world country in terms of actually getting things done !
Cant wait to see what happens when I try the monumental task of ( gasp shock horror ) registering my car!!!!!!!!!!!!!

perfect comment

2008-09-15T05:07:00.000-07:00

I saw this letter in today's 7days newsaper. The thing about living here is , there is always something to get up your nose, but because you know that there are plenty of people in a far worse situation than you - you have to preface your complaining with lots of "don't get me wrong" 's and " I realise that .. " and so on and so forth .
I think that the author of this letter was trying to do just that , however I dont think he counted on the wise ass comment that soon followed. priceless! :)

Eye Opener to the kindness of strangers

2008-09-11T23:09:00.000-07:00

We all know how easy it is to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life , particularly here in Dubai . We rush around, trying to sort out our own problems and its generally a "me, me , me " existence. Well yesterday, one of the guys who works in our admin came to me and told me I had a puncture just as I was preparing to leave and start my weekend .

The next 5 ( count 'em , 5 ) hours were a nice lesson in patience and empathy for me ! It seems that the spare wheel on my car is more than just a little complicated to access. Changing the tyre on the car is the kind of thing I don't practise - and I will put my hands up and admit it - I simply don't want to / cant do it !After one hour where my boss and several of or security staff and cleaners had their heads stuck under the rear of my car , I finally called 24 hour assistance - and they headed home - genuinely deflated ( pardon the pun ) that they couldn't fix my problem !

And so I sat , in my school's car park - for about 2 hours , watching the comings and goings of the neighbourhood. In that time , I was brought countless cups of coffee by our stellar security guard with whom I have never had much more than a passing "hello" relationship. Turns out that this guy , who hails from Madras in India , has a B.A. in English Literature, a penchant for country and western music , and gets up in the morning at 3.30 ( yes, you read that correctly ) to prepare for his 12 hour working day.His is such a wasted mind in this country , and it has everything to do with his passport! He was telling me that of his 1000 dh pay cheque , 700 dh wings its way home to support his parents, wife and to pay for his sisters M.A. This is the same guy I whinge to when I arrive after my battle with traffic each morning . I get up at 5 and am at work by 6.15. He gets up at 3.30 and is at work by 6.15 thanks to a bus that wanders everywhere. This intelligent and grateful man lives in a room with 8 other men and has taken to sending all his valuable possessions back to India after he got tired of them being pilfered in his own accommodation . Incidentally, I have never once heard him complain - on the contrary , his disposition is positively cheery !

At long last , to the back drop of the iftar call to prayer , my knights in shining armour came and speedily sorted out my spare wheel . I happily set off , thinking my "hardship" was over. I drove for long enough to get onto the main highway , when I smelled burning rubber - yes, my spare tyre has burst . Discovering I had no call credit and very little battery on my phone- I decided to stay put and hope for another knight in shining armour. I didn't have to wait long - two young local guys skidded to a halt and reversed back up the highway ( I couldn't bare to watch ). They immediately set about jacking up my car again and tried to remove the spare wheel - making their dish dasha's filthy - before I finally got it across to them that I needed to get to a tyre shop. I made the necessary calls and they went on their merry way .

Next helpful passer by was a South African man , who was gung ho and ready to work - pulling up his sleeves as he hopped out of the jeep - I again explained the situation and he too went on his way.

By the time the recovery vehicle arrive ( take 2 ) I was jetted off to a repair shop in Rashidya , where I opted to have a new tyre. The tyre shop was small, grotty and had no AC , the Pakistani repair guys were so helpful and efficient.The recovery guy kindly drove around the area trying to find a bank machine that didn't reject at least one of my cards ( a big thank you to citibank for not telling me they had cancelled my account due to the security breach ! ) Finally , 5 hours later , I was on my way home , got lost twice , was harassed in the lifts by an over zealous Egyptian and fell in the door where I found a clean apartment and a cooked dinner waiting for me .

I really need to stop whinging ... life could be a lot worse and when I put my head down on the pillow last night , I felt more than just a little embarrassed about my excessive whining about petty things that bug me here.

Calm again...

2008-09-03T05:42:00.000-07:00

Re: Road Raging! Ok , I am feeling a little better now ! I felt like Mrs. Bouquet (/ Bucket ) when I called the Sharjah Police ( I'm SURE I heard him laugh as he passed the phone to a colleague ) , and I manage to hit the car in front because I was so vehemently guarding my space in an hour long queue ! According to recent studies , I am suffering from some kind of mental disorder - but to those who know me , this will come as no surprise! Apparently I all need is a visit to this website to iron out any deficiencies I may have in exhibiting a zen like calm on the road at 6.30 am.

Having researched the issue briefly ( and I when I say briefly , I mean , oh, a minute ) , I have come to the conclusion that my road rage was perfectly reasonable . I was obeying the rules of the road - others were not - the actions of "others" were causing my blood pressure to rise and from there it goes. I think this is fair enough . I am allowed to get p*&^d off when I see someone breaking the law , and even more so when this law breaking has directly interfered with me , Right? I mean , let me put it like this , I have decided that my ranting on a blog is far safer than the actions of the man who decided it was his place to reverse over a woman in his hummer this year in Dubai . Funnily enough , this man has still not been brought to justice. Apparently it had something to do with his number plate being very easy to remember ... or so a friend informed me recently .

Anyway , I write this from a starbucks in the city, as I attempted to go home via the emirates road at around 3.30 but made the wise decision to turn back ! Yes , it seems that not only are Ramadan mornings hazardous , but so too are the evenings, as people rush home - starved and dehydrated . Emirates road , in the parts where you can move , resemble a grand prix racing track - I'm just waiting to see burning tyres on the side of the road. Honestly , your heart would be in your mouth to drive in these kind of conditions , and I'm saying this as a confident driver.I'm echoing a fellow bloggers sentiments about this , but i really hope i don't see carnage on the roads this year , because , at the moment , I associate Ramadan with a couple of things - anger and dangerous driving being two of those things - now I'm sure that's not the intended message Muslims would like to portray!!! Please , please , slow down - get there alive and hungry - its preferable to not getting there at all!

My own personal road rage

2008-09-01T16:59:00.000-07:00

I thought about putting a title picture on this post. The only on that comes to mind is a picture of a white ( through rage ) knuckled hand gripping the steering wheel of a car !
The thing is , I have had almost 24 hours in which to calm down about these events - however I can feel the pure unadulterated rage is still very accessible to me , even at this point .
Allow me to share the scene , its the first morning of Ramadan , most offices don't begin until 9 - my place of work will open its doors at 8 . I approach this with a naive and gormless optimism - I mean surely this means I will spend less time in traffic - right? If I give myself enough time to pull out of my parking space ( has been known to take up to 20 minutes - thank you very much courteous fellow motorists ), and then one I get onto Emirates road , it should be plane sailing !

HA! How frigging stupid of me to let my imagination place me on Emirates road without a hitch . Didn't my addled brain realise that I would have the automatic brigade driving so far up each others arses , that even my most aggressive driving skills would mean that my pushing onto a slip road would take well over half an hour ( I am , at this point , still walking distance from my lovely , lovely home in Sharjah), but this , I can recover from . The following , however , took its toll on my mental health that morning !

IF , on the 1st of September , YOU found yourself blocked on the hard shoulder by an Irish woman in a battered old sports car , yes, it was me . I was the one with steam coming out my ears - who sat , 500 metres from the entrance to Emirates road for over an hour , while YOU in your generic landcruiser and or newer flashy f&*king sports car sat behind me flashing the lights and sitting on your horn for 5 minutes at a time. These idiots fly up the hard shoulder ( lets not even bother to address the issue of those special little people who wait until they are AT the exit to join the queue ) and make the rest of us sit for hours at a time.
So, note for this coming morning
1) I don't care if you are a top exec in some oh so important job - you clearly should never have been given a licence and I'll be damned if I'm going to let you through this morning .
2) Kindly note , that due to the fact that it is Ramadan , I will not be smoking my way through traffic today - however , I will still be stuck in my car - IE : don't piss me off
3) Please be aware , that two toots of your horn , and I will get out of my f^&king car and verbally harass you at your drivers window, and I WILL be questioning why the hell you feel you have more of a right to get to work than me, and why it is you feel it should only take you 10 minutes to do so !

And finally , please note , that I am all to0 aware that while you sit , a good head and shoulders in height higher than me in your ridiculously huge jeep , you don't have a bloody leg to stand on , nor do you have the balls to do anything more than throw me an ice cold stare as I block you from making a fast get away down the hard shoulder while the rest of us idiots queue like morons because we were under the impression that the rules of the road apply .

This coming morning , if the situation calls for it , I will be lighting cigarettes and tossing them into car windows to express my annoyance . Don't give me the " I'm fasting excuse " - this will all be at 6am - you wont be hungry by then and this morning - I am taking no prisoners.

Who says Dubai doesn't make you racist? I will play a little game with it this morning. When I find somebody trying to bum rape my car on the approach to said exit on emirates road , I will close my eyes , and predict with 95% accuracy the ethnicity , gender and age group of the offender - no cheating - I swear . And just watch , I will be correct in my estimations. I don't care if you started driving when you were 10 years old in your home country and have some bad habits .. this morning , I will be calling the police on your sorry ass - and I actually don't mind getting in a fender bender with you in the name of road safety and fairness. I MAY drive a sports convertible , but I was still in high school when my car was in its hay day - I'm not beyond getting a few bumps and grazes to prove my point - I ain't THAT precious about it !

GAME ON!!

Nooooooooooooo! But I love KFC

2008-08-16T05:24:00.000-07:00

Dammnit , it looks like its time to put our collective consumer power to something slightly more important than self service petrol stations. Shame really , I felt like chicken tonight !! So KFC is off the finger lickin good list.

Actually , it seems like just about all meat is off the list . Having just braved THIS video ( not for the faint hearted , you have been warned ) from a link in a peta website ( well, I did ask for it ) I'm feeling ever so slightly guilty for the hummus with meat I am about to tuck into . I know its wrong, I also thoughts vegans were bleeding heart hippies and the fact that I like most meat coupled with the fact that its the natural order of things- I made my peace with it . Until I saw this video - I'm not naive enough to presume that the lamb chops on my plate were not once living and breathing ,frolicking about a field....but now it seems they lead an horrific existence field with cruelty straight from the dark passages of a Hannibal Lector style genius, and never even made it to that field. What to do....I wish I was still in ignorant bliss !!

Loving Asa !

2008-08-15T11:01:00.000-07:00

Could only get the accoustic version of this .. but love it all the same ... rising star - loving it ! :D

Weltschmerz

2008-08-13T19:34:00.000-07:00

This is the only word I have to describe things these days.
Weltschmerz
Pronounced velt-shmehrts

From the German welt, meaning 'world', and schmerz, which can be translated as 'pain', 'grief', or 'agony'. Weltschmerz is often translated as world-sorrow, or world-weariness. It is often capitalized.

1. World-weariness.

2. Sadness over the state of the world. (Many dictionaries define it as "sadness over the woes of the world", or "Sadness over the inability of the world to live up to ideals").

3. Pessimism, especially romantic pessimism.

4. A mood of sentimental sadness.

5. Slang for heroin withdrawal.

I dont even speak German , and who knew Zee Germans would have been so insightful as to coin a word which perfectly describes the sorry state of the world- or at least what our reaction to it usually is.

So ... why the glum face? Where to begin !! Well lets start at the recent state of maniac decapitations in the world , in Canada , Santorini, Saudi, UK.... the list seems to go on! When did this become so popular - its cropping up all over the place seemingly , and the more media coverage it gets - the more frequently it is occuring !

What else? How about Zimbabwe's looney tunes leader Mugabe , the man who wont leave office anyother way except in a box - this one is ensuring his longevity as leader is preserved the old fashionned way - as the world looks on.

Lets not even go into Mr. Bush's legacy after his second term in office. The fallout from his foreign policy has severed even further race relations in the world - with East and West being pitted against each other - each one convinced the other is standing directly against all that it stands for.

The Jumeirah Janes of this world continue to write into seven days news paper , soapboxing with thg over different issues in their lives. Nobody is happy with their lot these days - and I , for one, am thinking of opting out !

So , is Weltschmerz just an Emo sensation or is it a genuine reaction to how f%&*ed up the world has become? I dont think this word is a new concept - its definately pre-bush , so the question is - shouldnt there be some new version - like "uber - super- funky-weltschmerz"

I would love to ask a little girl in China ,Yang Peiyi , what she makes of her world - and if SHE thinks the word Weltschmerz applies to her existence...

To Wii or not to wii....?

2008-08-04T22:19:00.000-07:00

I woke up this morning and once again was faced with a grey/white sky that looked like it belonged to a gloomy morning in December in Northern Europe. The only difference being that humidity has shot up once again , as have the temperatures. Now, we all know what summer in the Emirates is like (and for those who don't - the answer is 'uncomfortable'). But what are some of the consequences of living in such a harsh climate - for a least a good part of the year.

I know its a global problem - but one that is sinking its teeth nicely into the emirates is the problem of obesity , particularly diabetes! The unbearable weather , coupled with not very many footpaths for pedestrians- UAE is not exactly condusive to healthy living. Yes, yes, before you say it , there are no shortness of personal trainers and fitness centres here, but if you DONT fancy giving your hard earned cash to Fitness First and its ilk in order to achieve what should be perfectly attainable without their help - you're between a rock and a hard place in Dubai!Furthermore, as a resident of the lovely Sharjah , I would rather come home from work and be able to catch an hour of non-working activity before heading to bed. A detour to the gym is sure to lead to hours of traffic and delays on top of what is an already hellish commute.

For fear of this turning into a 'reasons why I shouldn't exercise" post, allow me to make my point!The only way I have ever been able to exercise , has been through a brisk long walk - which, contrary to popular belief - its brilliant aerobic exercise. Its also 'do-able' just about anywhere. Anywhere , that is , except most parts of Sharjah , where you will take your life into your hands and risk being run off the road by those lovely trucks with the dangly jingly decorations hanging from the back! Heat , of course is also something that is a strong deterrent for me to get out onto the roads . Also, being in Sharjah, I have noticed that I am distinctly uncomfortable walking as a woman on my own. Am not appreciating the stares of some who cant keep their eyes in their heads. The obvious answer to this would be to throw on an abaya , but seeing as heat is a detterent for me , well thats not going to improve my personal situation now is it !

Enter the Wii. As a teacher by profession , anybody who knows me , knows that I am anti - computer games, and I'm basing that souly on having met ten year olds who cannot conduct a normal conversation due to hours of sitting slack jawed in front of a screen perfecting their thumb dexterity and becoming shockingly desensitised to violence. However, I feel nintendo have somewhat redeemed themselves with the wii. Anything that makes you get off your rear and start to move is a good thing in my book , add to that the fact that if you miss a day - you are asked what happened! Well its working for me!

It has , in the past, come under harsh criticism in recent times in the UK because it allegedly called a young girl "fat". I dont think any parent with a brain should be putting their kids on the wii BMI monitor - it IS fairly honest - and perhaps , as described, inaccurate for developing kids.

But in my book, the wii remains untarnished - anything that gets you moving, and is fun and interactive is a keeper!

Lets face it , if healthy living and an active lifestyle is the norm in your household - then why on earth would you even need to test your BMI on a computer game - let alone allow your children to do it?

Ignorance is bliss ...

2008-07-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

Lawmakers slam calls to introduce sex-clinics in Bahrain

I am gritting my teeth on this one. Having come from a society where, not too long ago , the method du jour of informing people about sexual health was based on scare mongering and a restriction on solid information , I can unequivocally state - THIS WONT WORK!
The results of a lack of open information in Ireland gave rise to such things as the Magdalene Laundries, the legacy of which has been long documented in films and in books. Entry into these institutions was prompted by anything from being flirtatious , too attractive , to the ultimate faux pas of being pregnant out of wedlock.

Far be it from me to start to preach about the evils of sexual activity outside of marriage, but I think that looking at the Irish example, a lack of information can have disastrous effects on a society . For a pious and god fearing country such as Ireland in the 50's, 60's 70's and so on, would a sex clinic have encouraged unmarried citizens to engage in the ultimate of sins? Doubtful, it wouldn't change their awareness that their activity was considered a sin. At least , would it have done a better job of keeping things in check than the old laundry tactics?

Thankfully , the Gulf countries , to the best of my knowledge ,dont provide institutions akin to the Irish phenomenon, however, who is to say that informing young people about sexual health is in effect calling on youth to engage in sexual relations? It looks like this clinic will not go ahead - and so be it , but its a shame that in this day and age information is still equated with intent !

Now, what I would have done is ....

2008-07-29T23:58:00.000-07:00

Enough with the soap box stuff - but found this website which perfectly illustrates just how things in this world have been "mismanaged" Take the 3 TRILLION spent on the war in Iraq and redistribute the cash .I , for one , am going to think globally on this one ( right after I treat myself to a house , a car and a wii fitness - oooh yeah! ) I particularly like the non violent leadership training for 10 million leaders - a snip at 4 for just $300,000 each !Put yourself in the position of power ... could YOU have done a better job with this money? Computer says ...YES!

Go to 3trillion.org/

Sign of things to come?

2008-07-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

THAT couple on the beach ....This story perhaps best describes the kind of issues that the UAE has been facing of late. While not all of us choose to relieve ourselves of our sexual frustrations on a beach after a boozy champagne lunch , I think it can be safely said this extreme example of lack of respect for local sensitivities typifies the struggles of a cultural melting pot in a sensitive region.But lets be frank here , if you decided to have a drunken romp on a public beach - ignored a caution from a police officer , then proceeded to hurl abuse and a high heeled shoe at him when he returned to find you have ignored his warning , then no matter what country in the world you are in - you will find yourself with a slap on the wrists. Add now to this the fact that you are in a region of the world where this behaviour is unthinkable .Enough has been said about the Ex-pat Dubai resident and her new husband, but leaving this case aside - can we expect now that the powers that be will finally be forced to employ a stricter set of rules and regulations for its expat residents. The amount of media coverage this case got ( including a wonderful little write up in the uk sun newspaper ) means that this is an issue that is rapidly gaining momentum and bringing with it negative publicity to Dubai as a tourist destination , not to mention highlighting to Emiratis their country has been colonized once more , only this time , they invited it into their society!There is a hedonistic quality to Dubai socializing - one which has been played out privately for many years - and the authorities have been very accommodating to people on the provisions that they discreetly lived their lives. If you want to consume alcohol - go through the correct procedures and consume it in hotels or at home . Be respectful of the culture and its residents and you cant go wrong.However , this event may finally be the straw that breaks the proverbial camels back. Have Western expats finally overstepped the mark in the ultimate insult to a culture - no longer respecting the boundaries imposed by their hosts? What will the fallout of what is becoming worryingly frequent behaviour be ?For years now, I have encountered the “if you don’t like it , leave !” response to my general grumblings about UAE . It’s a line that usually angers me , with its head in the sand attitude, nonchalance, and undying conviction that THIS system is the right way ! I maintain this view with issues concerning competence, organization , traffic…etc etc , but to IF you feel that the decency laws ruling this country will stretch your ability to keep it all in check - then for once, I will preach this right back at you “ if you don’t like it - leave “. Because trust me , its not worth it !With a local population that is feeling the effects of being a minority in their own land , and generations of perpetual immigrants living here but not calling this home - what does the future hold for the UAE? And exactly who will be paying the price for the massive changes occurring here on a weekly basis?